


Death And The Healing

by IllusiveWritings, shipsnthenight



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Destroy Ending, Indoctrination Theory, More tags will come as they come up in the story, Yes it's inspired by Wintersun, indoctrination, post destroy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23213542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllusiveWritings/pseuds/IllusiveWritings, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipsnthenight/pseuds/shipsnthenight
Summary: Three days after the sudden collapse of the Reapers and the end of the war, there's only destruction, chaos and pain left in the galaxy. Rebuilding will take years, decades, for now all they can do is heal the wounded, and bury the dead.Jane Shepard though, has no intention of being counted among those dead.Written by IllusiveWritings and illustrated by ShipsnthenightPost-destroy ending, with a twist of indoctrination theory just for fun. I started writing in 2013 and exhumed it because shipsnthenight offered to illustrate it. We have to kill time during the quarantine after all, right?
Relationships: Female Shepard/Liara T'Soni
Comments: 13
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me for any mistakes and typos, I'm not a native speaker and Google Drive's thesaurus and spellcheck isn't the best.  
> Just enjoy the art, that's the cool part of this story!

_Now I'm watching my life flowing in the dark_

_Like streams of fear running through my heart_

_And it's wearing me down until I'm gone_

_Soon I'll join the endless whirls of stars_

_And I fall (something is dying, yet something is born)_

_deeper into the unknown voids_

_And I fall (when will I find my silent dawn)_

_into infinity like a burning star_

_I fall like a burning star!_

Wintersun - Starchild

* * *

Dying is strange. 

And she had died twice in less than four years, she knew more than most about dying, and it was incredible how different circumstances changed the way you feel, while you die. 

The first time she had died, her mind had been flooded with fear and panic as she suffocated amidst the debris of the Normandy, but now it was different, calmer. It was like floating in water, peaceful even, a long, absurd lucid dream with a part of the Citadel she had never seen, Anderson and the Illusive Man, like an angel and a devil of the old cartoons of the 20th century she used to watch when she was a child, trying to convince her to either control or destroy the Reapers. And then that ghost that talked and talked… 

It had only shut up when bored out of her mind she had shot that damn power conduit. The ghostly child had said it would destroy the Reapers, it was good enough for her, even if it was just a dream that would never come true. She just wanted that nightmare to be over and rest in peace. She had done everything she could and then some more to stop them, but that was enough, she couldn’t take anymore of that. 

She just wanted to die in peace. For real this time, no Cerberus hijacking her plans for the otherworld again. A quiet, simple death, one last thought to her loved ones and then oblivion.

Liara would probably kick her ass for just thinking about dying, but at this point, there wasn’t much she could do. Not anymore at least. Also, Liara was young, she had centuries at least to forget her and find someone to love again, she would move on and live a long, happy life, somewhere in the galaxy, rebuilding what the war had destroyed.

Yeah, that wasn’t a bad last thought. Liara living a happy, long life with someone at her side, and tons of little asari children to keep her busy.

Just… one last breath, just one more, and she would move on to the unknown. 

Captain Shepard’s last battle: dying, and stay dead. 

Just one more breath...

* * *

It took Miranda Lawson three days to reach the crater in London where Shepard had last been seen, at the last desperate charge of the Alliance against Harbinger, three days after the Reapers had all crumbled where they had been standing, along with a number of other things like large portions of the Geth. Three days since they had lost contact with the Normandy and the crew. 

“Miranda!” shouted Gunnery Sergeant Williams behind her. “Slow down! It’s still dangerous down there!” 

The former Cerberus agent stopped on top of the steep incline that led down to the deepest part of the crater and looked down at the rubble at her feet, a mix of concrete, steel and bodies piled up in small mounds and larger stacks here and there, a desolate vista that made her heart skip a beat or two. In the bright gray early afternoon light, with the dust from the war still hanging in the air partially obscuring the sun it looked even bleaker. 

“She’s here!” she yelled in reply, looking down at her Omni-Tool. “Shepard, she’s here! I’ve got to find her!”

“Miranda, she’s dead. How can anyone survive that blast?” 

“If there’s someone that could survive in that chaos, it’s her. Come on, help me!” 

Cautiously, the two women started walking down into the crater, followed by Vega and an unknown Alliance footsoldier. Miranda had managed to convince them to come with her to look for the Commander, after the Alliance had declared her Missing In Action without even trying to look for her. She couldn’t take it, it wasn’t right. She deserved better than being buried and forgotten under the common rubble. No way in hell. 

Her Omni-Tool flashed a little red dot, but there was something that disturbed the GPS signal. After having rebuilt her, out of excessive zeal she had installed a tiny tracking device in one of the many implants that helped her live, after the Lazarus Project had managed to bring her back from the dead. Not the control chip they had talked about weeks prior, just a short range location device, for… cases like this.

“Do you have a precise location?” asked the unnamed soldier behind her.

“Unfortunately, no. Something is disturbing the signal, I fear that EMP burst, or whatever it was, of the other day may have fried more than the Geth and the Reapers. She should be there though!” She pointed at a large pile of rubble beside a toppled MAKO west of them. “Any words from the Normandy?” 

“Not yet, Miranda,” replied Vega. “High ups are still trying though. I’m sure they’re gonna call in soon.” 

“Let’s hope…” she added, barely a whisper on her lips. 

On the way to the area where the GPS was leading them, they took care of tagging all the bodies they encountered, scanning their dog tags and marking their locations in order to facilitate their retrieval once the Alliance got down to that. Scattered as they were, it would take at least a week before they decided to start dealing with the dead. In a way, tagging the location of dead bodies to hasten the process was an attempt to justify their goose chase for someone who was very probably dead, no matter how important for morale could Shepard be. Not that anyone cared, even Admiral Hackett, usually very preoccupied with making sure casualties of war were properly and swiftly taken care of, was more concerned with the living. 

_We need those who breathe_ , he had said during a meeting, a couple hours after the sudden collapse of the Reapers, while everyone was still trying to process the sudden silence that had fallen on the battlefields, after months and months of wailing, deafening noises.

And in the silence, they searched, because despite the slim chances, they all hoped they’d find someone alive, in that desolate pit, even though their expectations were lower than hell itself. 

“Miss Lawson, why is Commander Shepard equipped with a locating device?” asked Vega, as he moved a large chunk of rubble from a pile. 

“For reasons like this. It’s short range, about two miles of radius, nothing major. Cerberus didn’t want to lose her while on a mission, in case something went wrong. I had been ordered to implant a control chip too, but I refused. We needed Shepard, not a puppet ready to jump at the Illusive Man’s order. But I wanted to know where she was.” 

“Sounds reasonable,” he replied. “And useful. Do you really think we can find her alive?” 

Miranda sighed. “I don’t know. I’m hoping against hope. The vitals check systems in the spinal implant seem to be malfunctioning, or I would know. And her bondmate isn’t here and we can’t contact her, or we would have T’Soni’s to help us.” 

“What has Liara to do with this?” asked Ashley.

“I’m not an expert in Asari physiology, but I bet long time bondmantes form a sort of connection between them that works even at long distances. If we had a chance to get in touch with the Normandy, even just for a moment, we could know if Shepard’s alive with a fairly accurate degree of certainty.” 

“Even after three days?” 

The former Cerberus operative nodded. “Even after three days. And now that you mention it, why have you waited for so damn long to go look for her?” She knew her voice sounded harsher than she had meant, but when she had arrived in London, just a few hours prior, and had been told that no one had thought about looking for Shepard, that had pissed her off to no end, and she was having a hard time controlling her feelings for the way the Alliance was dealing with her. Or _not_ dealing with her, to this point. 

“We had other orders, Miranda. We are bound to the decisions of our superiors, we can’t just go where we want or do what pleases us.” 

“Well, excuse me but I think your superiors fucked up about this.” She kneeled beside a body and scanned the tag. Chris Johnson, 32 years old, from London. Miranda chuckled, a bitter sensation suddenly creeping up in her throat. He had died defending his home, down to the city he was born in. “I can understand leaving the dead for later, I understand the reasoning behind that decision, but leaving Shepard behind? Alive or dead she’s important for the morale, why the hell do you think Cerberus went all the way through to resurrect her, rather than pick just another soldier to lead the fight against the Collector?” 

“Because she’s a symbol,” said Vega. “Yes, I understand. It’s just that… well, it’s been three whole days and then some hours. Even if she survived the initial blast she can’t possibly be still alive!”

“We don’t know that! Not until we find her.” 

They scoured the crater for a good hour, finding a large number of bodies, all dead unfortunately. Exhausted and discouraged, the four stopped near a pile of large chunks of concrete to rest for a moment and regroup. 

“The GPS signal is still bouncing,” explained Miranda. “But there’s not much else we have to check. Either we find her or…”

“Or the blast incinerated her, and we may be lucky if we find her tags.” Finished Vega. “Got it. Then let’s go back at it.” He turned around and kicked a rock from a large stack. Beneath it, a hand, covered in bloody scrapes and dirt, motionless. Sighing, he kneeled beside it and set his rifle on the ground. “Here, another one.” 

“Together, come on,” said Ashley, also letting gently go of her own weapon and trying to help the soldier lifting the large slab of shielded concrete torn away from a Systems Alliance governative building, that covered the body, only to let go a few moments later. It wouldn’t budge, it was too heavy for them. 

“Let me,” added then Miranda, as a blue hued field emerged from her body and floated around her as she used her powerful biotics to aid them. That way, with the combined effort, the slab moved easily to the side, to reveal the body beneath it. 

It was then that Miranda’s Omni-Tool beeped like crazy, the GPS signal finally free to be captured and give a precise location. 

“What the…” 

The body wore a disheveled N7 armor, once grey but now blackened and charred, melted in some places. The visible skin was covered in cuts and burns. The wild mop of bright red hair was streaked redder in places, caked in dried blood.

“Shepard!” exclaimed Ashley in disbelief, while Miranda rushed to her side. 

“Please be alive…” she pleaded, running her Omni-Tool over the body to scan for even the faintest sign of life in the Commander. “Come on, please be alive! The galaxy needs you!”

She was afraid to touch her, given the precarious position in which she lay. Her right arm, what was visible from beneath rocks and metallic debris, was clearly broken, her legs were still crushed beneath a boulder. The neck, though in an awkward position, didn’t look broken, but there was a fat chance the spinal implant they had to install in her neck during the reconstruction had been damaged. The spine seemed all in one piece too, at least from her point of view.

The scanner was taking a long time to give her data, and what little it gave her was inconclusive, as if her Omni-Tool was damaged too. Body temperature was low but not enough for a three day corpse, incoherent with actual ambient temperature, but there wasn’t cerebral activity, or at least none that the scanner could pick up, and there wasn’t a pulse. 

“Damn…” she cursed, changing the settings, asking the scanner to go deeper, looking for even the minimal electric current flowing through the muscles, until she finally decided to check Shepard’s pulse manually. She pulled the glove of her suit off with her teeth and holding her breath, she gently placed her fingers at her neck and held them at the pulse points for a few seconds. 

The longest seconds of her life. 

She felt something beneath her fingertips, but waited some more. Another, brief pulse, the tiniest twitch of Shepard’s carotid artery. Then another. 

And then, a lock of bloodied, matted hair in front of her face moved, with the distinct pattern of an exhaling breath. 

Releasing the long held breath, Miranda screamed of joy.

“She’s alive!”


	2. Chapter 2

Floating. She couldn’t describe the sensation like anything else. It was like floating in a shallow pool of water. 

It hadn’t been like this the first time. There had not been this feeling of calm and quietness, the unlikely lullaby of a cold, dead battlefield, just the silence of space and the deafening wheezing of her own struggling, ragged breathing. Not this time. 

At times it was quiet, other times she could hear unfamiliar noises mixed with the familiar sounds of shuttles and vehicles. The random gunshot from time to time. Silence again and then more unknown noises, like the droning thrumming of the Normandy she heard from her personal cabin. 

The whispers in the background were gone though. That was nice.

Floating was nice...

* * *

_ “She’s alive!” _

Miranda’s voice echoed in the crater and everyone stood still, looking down at the seemingly lifeless body surrounded by rubble and debris. 

“What?” asked Ashley, incredulous. “That' can’t be right!”

Miranda leaned closer to Shepard’s face and checked for her breathing pattern. “I’ve got heartbeat and breathing, shallow but stable!” she declared. “We need a medical shuttle!”

Ashley nodded, and her Omni-Tool lit up around her wrist. “Base camp, this is Gunnery Sergeant Ashley Williams, I need med-evac at the Charge Crater STAT!” 

They heard some statics before a distorted voice replied. “Copy that Gunnery Sergeant. How many?” 

“Just one, but she’s in pretty bad shape!” yelled Miranda to be heard through Ashley’s Omni-Tool. “Could you patch me through?” 

She nodded and pushed some buttons on the holographic interface to transfer the communication from her to Miranda. “Patient is currently unconscious, she’s breathing on her own, regular but shallow. Heartbeat is slow and irregular, I can’t get a read of the blood pressure or cerebral activity, my scanner seems to be fried. She needs a trauma team and immobilization for cervical spine and right arm. Legs are currently hidden, I don’t know their conditions but prepare for anything.” 

“Copy that. But who’s talking?” asked the operator.

“Miranda Lawson.” 

“Oh…” 

“Hey, concentrate on the task at hand!” she rebuked. “We’re talking about Commander Shepard here, not my former Cerberus affiliation!” They all heard a loud gasp on the other side of the communication. “She’s been here for three days, abandoned! Get the evac shuttle here now!”

Another gasp and some scrambling and static later, the operator spoke again. “Shuttle with trauma personnel inbound. ETA 2 minutes,” the man replied,his voice snappy and clearly unhappy to be ordered around by a former high ranking Cerberus operative, but Miranda couldn’t care less. She was still fighting with her Omni-Tool to get a decent scan, to no avail. 

She let out a small frustrated grunt. Somehow it got damaged, she would need to acquire another one, or spend precious hours repairing it, time she didn’t have. 

“Shepard?” she called, gently. “Shepard can you hear me?” 

No response. 

Swallowing a lump that had formed in her throat, Miranda pressed her knuckles on her sternum, rubbing hard. There was no reaction whatsoever from painful stimuli. Furthermore, she felt the thick piece of cartilage shift more than it should have as she pressed, causing her to think there was also a thoracic trauma. She was no medical doctor, but she had spent enough time with many during the two years of Project Lazarus to know that Shepard was more dead than alive, even without the scans, and this time she probably beyond her abilities to bring her back. 

Given the state of disarray of the galaxy and the lack of proper medical facilities, the chances she would not survive the night, after three days abandoned out in the open were very high. 

“I’ve done it once, Shepard. I don’t think I can do it twice…” she murmured as the shuttle finally arrived. It landed about fifty yards away from them. As soon as the engine was shut off, the side door opened wide and five people ran out of it carrying a vast array of medical equipment in their hands and strapped to their backs.  _ If only Doctor Chakwas were here... _

“What do we have?” asked a woman probably in her fifties, with short cropped hair and the most tired look Miranda had ever seen on someone’s face. 

“Woman, thirty two, unresponsive. Heartbeat faint but regular, same for breathing, multiple surface wounds all over, minor burns, broken right arm, possibly multiple broken ribs. Unknown status of neck, back and legs.” 

“We’ll take it from here, thank you Miss Lawson,” replied the woman, with a smile. “Commander Shepard can you hear me?” she tried, the same as Miranda a few minutes prior. The team went through the same gestures, checking pulse, breathing and response to multiple stimuli, while one colleague scanned Shepard’s body, with a functioning Omni-Tool. Miranda suddenly felt a pang of jealousy over the working tool. She watched, powerless, as they poked, prodded and removed debris from Shepard in order to gain access even to the parts of her body covered by the rubble. 

She gasped, when they uncovered the legs. The thick N7 armor had absorbed some of the damage, but her right leg was unnaturally twisted.  _ Please don’t be an exposed fracture… _ she thought, barely keeping herself from gasping a second time when one of the army medics shoved something that looked like a miniature crowbar and pried open the right grieve, exposing the damaged lower leg. 

It wasn’t an exposed fracture. She sighed in relief, as infection was less likely to set in with no deep open wounds. The scrapes and burns were more than enough.

Behind her, both Ashley and Vega observed in silence, she could only try and guess what was running through their minds. It couldn’t possibly be much different than the dreadful thoughts rushing through her own mind, even though hers were more concentrated on what cybernetics could be broken and how to repair them. 

Maybe she could still find a backup of the schematics and the procedures used during the Project at Cronos Station? That would help immensely.

_ If _ she could  _ reach  _ Cronos Station. Actually, if Kronos Station still existed at all. 

“Alright, we’ve got to move her and set her to the stretcher. We need to immobilize the spine and neck,” said the doctor in charge of the team. 

“Excuse me, doctor!” exclaimed Miranda. “She has a number of cybernetics implants that got installed after she… nearly died in a spacing accident. I fear some of them may be damaged.” 

The doctor looked up at her, clearly skeptical. “And you know that because…”

“Because I designed most of them. I… I was the leader of the Cerberus team that brought her back to life when the Normandy SR1 was blown up,” confessed Miranda. 

Caught between a rock and a hard place, the doctor looked up at her and then around the team, before nodding. “Alright. What implants are we talking about?”

“Extensive. Two spinal implants to repair spinal cord damage, one at C4 and one at L3. Left side of both mandible and jawbone, bilateral artificial corneas, left optic and auditory nerve. Part of her liver and stomach, pyloric valve, left lung is artificial too… uhm…” she was trying to remember everything artificial they had to put in Shepard’s body in order to revive her. “A number of joints have been reconstructed mostly on the left side. Spleen had been previously removed so we didn’t tamper with that too, and…” 

“Calm down, you’ve told us what we need to know. The spine looks fine, I’m worried about the neck though, scan’s inconclusive but I fear the worse. We’ll have to monitor heartbeat and breathing as soon as we turn her head straight to fit the neck brace. Are we ready for emergency intubation?” 

One of her colleagues nodded and waved a large plastic package in her hand. “Yes ma’am.” 

“Very well, now we slide her off the rock keeping the neck in position. Are we ready?” Everyone around Shepard took their practiced positions and slid their hands beneath her body, while the team leader kept Shepard’s head stable. “On my mark… Now!”

Quick but delicate, they moved her from the semi-sitting position to lay her down on the concrete. As soon as they set her, the team leader waved her Omni-Tool over her again, while her other hand still held Shepard’s head. “Alright, there’s no change. Blood pressure, breathing and heartbeat are stable. Sanchez, insert an IV then set up the stretcher, start saline and broad spectrum antibiotics. Bernini, take care of the leg, Hunt, you’re on the arm. Nguyen, help me with the neck.” 

“Are you going to intubate her?” asked Miranda. 

The doctor shook her head. “No, not if it isn’t strictly necessary. If the C4 spinal implant is still working, she should keep breathing on her own. If it’s damaged could you repair it?” 

“It shouldn’t be too hard if I get the materials. It was a simple neural bypass after all.” 

“What were you bypassing?” 

“The spinal cord was partially severed when she was spaced.” 

The doctor nodded. “I see. Well, that changes everything. I should have guessed, when you mentioned a C4 implant. Let’s hope it’s not broken then, but we’ll have to intubate as a preventative measure at this point. Nguyen, be ready with the kit. Sanchez, prepare for RSI.” 

The slightly older medic nodded and started preparing the drugs needed for rapid sequence induction, a procedure needed to quickly put a patient under anesthesia before tracheal intubation. He grabbed three different vials from his bag and loaded a quick syringe with their contents, and injected something from a preloaded syringe in the IV bag connected to the cannula stuck in Shepard’s left arm. After that, he pushed the syringe at Shepard’s neck and shot the mix of drugs straight in her bloo. 

Only then, the doctor gently rotated her neck to face straight upwards and checked again the breathing. “As I suspected, she has issues breathing now that we moved the neck. Laryngoscope and endotracheal tube,” she ordered, using one hand to open her jaw and extended the other to her colleagues to be handed the tools. 

Miranda could only watch, grimacing through the whole procedure, averting her eyes when they temporarily set the broken bones and placed the damaged limbs in splints. Once the endotracheal tube was set, they attached it to a bag valve and the doctor started pumping hair into Shepard’s lungs, while the others slid the scoop stretcher beneath her and secured her to the structure with thick straps and buckles. 

“Where are you taking her?” 

“For now, Alliance camp hospital. There we can at least stabilize her and treat at least the basic injuries. For anything more than that though, we’ll have to wait. We don’t know if there’s still a functioning hospital left on Earth, let alone off-planet facilities,” the doctor explained. “There’s not much else that we can do at the moment, we can just hope she doesn’t get any worse than this.” 

“Prognosis?” 

“I’ll be frank, she’ll be lucky if she survives the night. Even luckier if she wakes up at all. We’ll need to do a full neuro assessment, but if she already had a spinal injury, given the state of our medical supplies and facilities…” she sighed. “I fear for now we can only make sure she’s comfortable until…” 

Miranda nodded. “She’s done for. I see.” Her mind was already flipping ideas back and forth, trying to remember Cerberus locations around Earth that could have gone undiscovered and that could be used as medical facilities for the time being. London was a pile of rubble, but the rest of the world? Maybe there was some place less populated that had survived or at least had suffered less catastrophic damage.  _ Where was that French research lab located?  _

“We’ll be going now. You can come to the hospital and assist her, if you wish,” said the still unnamed doctor. “Someone should stay with her, it would be unfair to her, to be alone now, after she’s done so much for everyone of us.” 

Throwing a look behind her at Ashley and Vega, Miranda nodded again. “We’ve got that covered.” 

* * *

About two hours later, the trio had made its way back to the Alliance base camp where they had set up the military hospital. They had used what remained of one of the largest hospitals in London, and the medical team that had taken over from the evac one for Shepard was still working inside a closed room. The door was ajar and sometimes they could pick up a few words, but nothing much intelligible. 

For the better part of that time since she had been loaded on the evac shuttle, Ashley, Vega and Miranda had waited outside the ajar door, trying to keep themselves occupied. Vega was pacing nervously, Ashley could barely keep her legs from trembling while Miranda was trying to repair her Omni-Tool with a few scraps she had salvaged on the way back to the camp. Indeed, a few parts of the scanning component had been fried and needed to be repaired. 

_ What the hell was that EMP blast though? _ Miranda asked herself, as she shoved a chip she had scavenged from the Omni-Tool of a dead soldier into the right socket, hoping it was compatible with her own. 

“I had no idea you could design cybernetic implants,” said Ashley at some point, breaking the tense silence. 

“I don’t have a formal degree, but I studied electronic engineering when I first joined Cerberus. Even before, I always tinkered with circuitry when I was a child. And I taught myself the basics of coding by the end of kindergarten.” 

“That’s a strange hobby for a child!” 

“My father hated it. I did it to spite him and I found not only a hobby but knowledge that would help me a lot in life. Field repairs to weapons, Omni-Tools and vehicles are quite useful skills when you’re on the run.” 

Ashley chuckled. “Sure they are. I admit that other than swapping official modules I’ve never even tried to do much tinerking. Never saw the usefulness to be honest.”

“You always had the chance to go through official stores or Alliance issue weaponry and gear. Illegality on the other hand…” 

“I see. Maybe now that the war is over I could learn.” 

“Stick with me and maybe I could teach you a thing or two. Any news about the Normandy?” 

Vega shook his head. “Not yet. I’ve tried myself, I asked headquarters to keep me posted if they heard from them, but word is the relays are somehow damaged and off planet comms are down or nearly so. At the moment, no one is going in or out the system, and no one has heard from anyone that wasn’t in the Sol system too.” 

Miranda sighed. That was really bad news. Damaged relays meant little to no movement, no provisions, no way to try and reach Cronos Station to gather the old Project Lazarus data and the schematics of the implants. Sure, she could make them again from scratch, design and all, but having the data would surely speed up the procedures. 

_ If _ by the time she got everything she needed to even start planning the cybernetics there was still a Shepard to use them on. 

Finally, the door opened and a woman wearing a papery gown came out, snapping the cords to tear the protective garment away and throwing it in a large trash can beside the door. “Here for Commander Shepard?” 

Everyone stood up and walked towards her. “I’m Doctor Sophie Wilson, I’m in charge of Commander Shepard. Right now she’s stable, her right side took a bad hit, both leg and arm are fractured and there are six fractured ribs, four on the right and two on the left, but they’re all simple fractures that should heal. One lung had collapsed, thankfully the artificial one held on and managed to keep oxygen flowing. From a purely physical standpoint I’ve seen worse, there’s a minor head and facial injury, but those should heal with time. Now, speaking about it, you got to her just in time. She was severely dehydrated, trauma team started liquids right away and that stabilized blood pressure and heartbeat. Right now we’ve got to keep an eye on infections and make sure the lung doesn’t collapse again. She’s got drains and tubes pretty much everywhere and she’s not out of the woods, far from it, but she could fare worse, given the circumstances. What I’m worried about is the neuro scans we did.” 

“About the spinal damages and the damaged implant?” asked Vega.

“That too, but I’m more concerned about her brain scan. We’ll have to do a complete and deeper EEG if we come by the equipment, but…” she sighed. “Excuse my French but it’s completely fucked up!”

Through her own Omni-Tool, she showed them an EEG. “You see, this is a normal electroencephalogram of a patient in a coma, peaks and dips and some valleys.” She fiddled with her fingers and brought up a different file. “This is Commander Shepard’s, taken a few minutes ago. I’ve never seen anything like this, it looks like every single synapse in her brain and brain stem has caught fire and someone threw Napalm on them!”

The diagram has completely different from what Doctor Wilson had defined as standard, it looked more like a seismograph during an earthquake. The peaks were too high and the dips too low, with no valley in between. The analogy of the synapses on fire was pretty on point. 

“I’ve never seen anything like this!” exclaimed Ashley. “Do you have an idea why it looks like that?” 

Doctor Wilson shrugged. “I have no idea. I was hoping Miss Lawson here could tell me if it was a complication of being revived the way she was, after being spaced.” 

Miranda shook her head. “No, every EEG we’ve performed during the reviving and every check up afterwards was normal,” she explained. “But I’ve seen something similar, some time ago.” 

“Where?” asked the doctor.

She shrugged her shoulders and brought up her own Omni-Tool. “In automated scans recovered on a Cerberus vessel, some months ago. They were a science team studying a derelict Reaper, to acquire technology and knowledge that would help us fight them. When Shepard arrived to investigate why they had gone silent, she and the shore party found all personnel dead, and the personal and scientific logs were all point into one direction.” 

“And that would be?”

She opened up a file from her report on the retrieval of the Reaper IFF. “Indoctrination.”


	3. Chapter 3

Something had changed. 

The noises were different and muted, the smells different. Even the light, though she couldn’t open her eyes, was different. Everything was duller and warmer, more comfortable somehow. There wasn’t cold stone beneath her head, but something softer, like a pillow. 

Was she at a hospital?

Wasn’t she supposed to be dead though? 

_ Damn. Did Miranda resurrect me... again? _

* * *

“Anything new?” 

Joker shook his head and sighed. “No Liara, nothing new. Technicians are still trying to get a status report out of the ship, but with EDI knocked out we can’t do much,” he explained. “We crashed six hours ago, give us time!”

“Yes, but why did we crash?” 

“Wish I knew!” he exclaimed. “Something… shifted in the back of the Normandy and I couldn’t keep speed and route. Then EDI shut down and all navigation sensors went awry. And we crashed. That’s all we know for now.” 

Liara glanced at the Cerberus robot EDI had installed herself into, still sitting at her usual place by his side, immobile, as if someone had pulled the plug on the AI. “Did anyone check on her?” 

Again, he shook his head. “We need to get the engine and the comms up more than we need EDI right now.” His voice faltered, mentioning the AI and her relative usefulness. “We’ve got to get back to Earth as soon as we can.” 

“What does Engineering say?” 

“We say we’re trying to start things up!” came Tali’s voice through the intercom, clearly flustered behind the mask. “We’re all working Liara, but this is serious. The Drive Core seems undamaged, but it turned off and needs to be started up again, that takes time!” 

“What about comms? There must be a way to contact people off planet!” exclaimed Liara. “Also, where are we?” 

“Comms are disabled as long as we’re running on the emergency generators, all energy is needed to keep up vital systems going, and start the core again!” said Daniels. “The moment we turn on the core again, we can try to contact the closest Alliance ship. Or whoever’s still out there listening.” 

“As for where we are, we’re on Zorya,” added Joker. “In the Ismar Frontiers. We’re actually not that far from where we went after the Blue Suns chief with Zaeed a few months ago.” 

“Reaper presence?” 

He shrugged his shoulders. “Not in close vicinity, but it’s not a heavily populated planet, with a bit of luck they just forgot about it. It’s mostly blue collar workers in the mining and metallurgical industry that live here. A few towns, and a number of spaceports for export. Nothing fancy though.” 

Puzzled, Liara looked down at him. “And how do you know that?” 

“Contrary to popular belief, I actually listened to what EDI said, when she spoke to me.” 

She smiled and gently patted his shoulder. “I never thought you didn’t. I just had no idea you talked about geography. Take care Joker, I’ll go check on Garrus.” 

“Since you go down to Infirmary could you please ask Doctor Chakwas if I can come down later tonight? I think I banged something when we crashed.” 

“Sure, no problem. I’ll let you know, but I doubt she’ll tell you to wait to come down. You know, she has a sweet spot for you.” 

“Yeah… I just don’t want to take advantage of it. Go now, we’ll try to get the ship in running order.”

Walking back towards the elevator, Liara couldn’t help but let out a defeated sigh, as she observed the crew bustling around every corner of the CIC, busy doing diagnostics and repairing whatever they may find broken. There were people everywhere, even in ventilation ducts. Sparks were flying as techs welded things back together to patch things up. Pretty much every deck was the same, everyone was doing their best to get the Normandy back in flying condition ever since they had got themselves back together after the emergency crash, hours prior.

With the elevator out of commission, she had to use the service chute to get down to the crew quarters. The infirmary was not packed as she had expected, but there was a short line in front of the door. People sporting visible damage, like bloody cuts or bright red burns were lined, waiting for a slap of medigel on their wound before going back to work. Samantha Traynor was among them, a bloody piece of gauze wrapped around her left hand. “Hey Sam, what happened?” 

“Oh, good to see you Doctor T’Soni,” she replied, startled. “Nothing much, I stabbed myself with a screwdriver trying to do some repair to the comms antenna, outside. Some medigel and I’ll be fine. How are things in CIC?” 

“Sparks are flying, everyone is working, I don’t know what to do and Joker is trying to keep it together for the sake of the crew, but the fact that EDI has  _ turned off _ really put him on edge.” 

Traynor nodded. “I hope that once we get the core running we can turn her on again. We can do without her, but EDI makes everything way faster.” 

“Do you have an idea why she shut down like that?” 

The comm specialist shrugged and winced when the movement disturbed her wound. “A number of reasons. Whatever…  _ hit  _ us destabilized a number of systems, turned off the drive core and made even one of the best pilots in the Alliance crash land on a planet. It’s a miracle we’re alive.” 

Liara chuckled. “Don’t tell Joker that. He thinks he’s  _ the  _ best pilot in the Alliance. I’m going to check on Garrus now. Take care, Traynor.” 

“Will do, Doctor T’Soni.” 

Inside the crowded infirmary, Doctor Chakwas and her aids were treating the wounded as quickly and efficiently as possible before setting them back to work as soon as they could. On a secluded cot on the far side of the room, Garrus was sitting up, an arm wrapped in tight bandages and secured to his chest with a sling. He looked battered and tired, but despite the wounds he sustained, he seemed to have kept his spirits up, at least from the outside. 

“Hey Garrus, how are you holding up?” 

“Hey there,” he grumbled. “Holding up fine. The Doc said it was bloody but not life-threatening. I’ll be fine in a week or two. How about you?” 

She shrugged and sat beside him on the cot. “Fine.” 

The Turian gently nudged his elbow into her ribs. “Come on Liara, you’re awful at lying.” 

Smiling, she nodded. “I guess I should have chosen my trade better then.” 

“The Shadow Broker doesn’t lie. Maybe its agents do, but the big boss? Nah. But seriously, how are you?” 

Liara clutched the lapels of the N7 hoodie she had stolen from Shepard’s cabin and pulled them up to her face. “I’m worried. Something happened, but I don’t know what.” 

“You think she’s hurt?” 

“I don’t know, it’s strange. It… a feeling. I know she’s not alright, that I’m sure. And she’s on Earth alone while we’re stranded on the Goddess knows where.” 

Straining against his wounds, Garrus wrapped his taloned hand around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. “We’re not stranded. And she’s not alone! Ashley and Vega are down there with her, I’m sure whatever happened they’re taking good care of her.” 

Liara sniffled a little, trying to swallow the lump in her throat that made talking very hard. “I… I don’t know, I just have a bad feeling. It’s not that I don’t trust Ashley or James… I don’t trust Jane! You know how she is!”

Garrus nodded. “Humans have an old metaphor to describe people like her: battering rams.” 

“And that would mean?” 

The Turian shook his head and brought up the Omni-Tool and tried to access the Extranet, only to receive an error message. “Damn, it’s offline. Anyway, if my memory doesn’t fail me, a ram is an animal on Earth, with curved horns and a quick temper. They like to headbutt things.” 

Suddenly, and unexpected even to herself, Liara laughed. “Goddess, that’s a good one.”

“Yeah, how many Krogans has she headbutted?” 

“For all I know, just one,” replied Liara. “But she told me she wanted to headbutt that journalist that kept pestering her… what was her name…”

“You mean Al-Jilani? Wait, when did that happen? Was that recent?” asked Garrus.

“No idea,” she said. “She told me a couple of weeks ago, while we were eating in the mess hall. She didn’t mention when it happened though, must have been while she was on the Citadel on her own, you know… doing things.” 

“Was there ever a moment when she wasn’t somewhere doing things? I thought that my obsessive calibrations of the weaponry were a bit too much, but it helped me unwind. Shepard is always somewhere doing stuff. Does she ever sleep?” 

“She does, but not for long. About four hours per night, she said she slept enough while she was dead.” 

In that moment, Doctor Chakwas decided to intervene in their conversation. “And I was very worried about that!” she interjected. “Commander Shepard came to see me quite a few times because of her inability to sleep and for recurring nightmares. I told her I could prescribe her a pharmacological treatment, but she didn’t want to impair her thinking with drugs.” 

“That’s very much like Shepard,” commented Garrus. 

“Very much, yes.” Doctor Chakwas waved her Omni-Tool over him. “You look much better, how do you feel?” 

“Much better, Doctor Chakwas. Can I go back to work?” 

Sternly, she nodded. “Sure. Mild activity, don’t overdue and don’t lift weights for now. I’ll see you again tomorrow for the antibiotics. You should be fine if you don’t overexert yourself. Now go!” She slapped the Turian’s shoulder, lightly. “Let someone else occupy this cot.” 

He slipped down the edge of the bed, setting his feet on the floor with a loud sigh. “Thank you, Doctor Chakwas. I’ll be back tomorrow.” 

“Good. And be careful. The Normandy is a bit of a hazardous trap right now. You too Liara, don’t worry too much about the Commander. She can take care of herself.” 

“Last time she told me that she got spaced, Doctor Chakwas.” 

The doctor cringed a little. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that. But don’t be afraid, whatever happened down on Earth, she’ll be alright.” 

The lights then went out, there was a long silent moment and then a loud whine and a whirring sound from downstairs. “What’s going on now?” asked Garrus aloud, then the lights turned on again, and the silence was filled with the familiar, soothing sound of the drive core in the engine room. “Seems like Tali can indeed make miracles happen!” he went on then, before a discharge of static came from the intercom. 

“Engine room to all areas of the ship!” came the excited voice of the young Quarian. “We have managed to restore the drive core, we’re back online! Samantha, can you or any of your team check on the comms?”

“Can someone reboot EDI?” cried Joker after that.

In that moment, Samantha Traynor marched inside the infirmary, wounded hand still wrapped in bloody gauze, and walked towards the AI core, in the back of the infirmary. “Tali, Sam is checking on EDI now,” said Garrus through his Omni-Tool. “Her team’s on the comms.”

The door of the AI core slid open with a hiss and Traynor went straight to the console that commanded EDI and started fiddling, one handed, with the holo-key board. After a few moments, she scrunched her forehead in doubt, tried a few more keys and commands, then kneeled beneath the console. She pulled on a handle and a circuit panel slid away from its compartment, along with smoke and a few sparks. “What the…” she started, but never completed the sentence. She started moving components around, testing if cables and circuits were dislodged. “No. No come on! I’m not letting you do this EDI!” she cried. 

“Do what?” asked Liara. 

“This!” she repeated, louder this time, more desperate. “What the hell EDI! What the fuck happened to you!”

“What are you talking about Sam?” asked Joker through the comm. “What’s wrong with EDI?” 

“I… Joker, I don’t know… the processors, the RAM modules… it’s like a power surge damaged them!”

“You mean she’s fried?” 

Sighing, Sam nodded. “Yes, Joker. She’s fried.” 


	4. Chapter 4

Yes, Miranda had definitely resurrected her, there was no other explanation. 

Or was there? What if she had never died in the first place?

It couldn’t be, could it? Not after that blast, that should have been enough to melt down the plating of a Mako, how could she be still alive? 

There was no way in the Galaxy she could have survived that. What happened later with Anderson and the Illusive Man, and that ghost… that was just a nightmare her brain conjured in her final moment, it had to be. 

There was no other explanation, nothing else seemed reasonable. 

But…but if… ugh, why couldn't she remember words?

No, it was no use. Thinking was too hard. Sometimes her mind felt clear as ever, but most of the time… it was just floating in silence. 

* * *

Doctor Wilson led the trio inside the room where Shepard rested. They found her the way they were expecting, lying motionless on a cot, tubes and bandages everywhere they could see, covered in a thick grey blanket. Half her face was hidden behind the tape that held the endotracheal tube in place, the rest was bruised and cuts. Despite everything, she looked peaceful, as if simply asleep after just another scuffle against space pirates. 

“Please, sit,” instructed the doctor, gesturing towards a few scattered chairs piled up in a corner of the room. “I’m sorry for the poor conditions of the hospital, but this is the best we could come up with, given the circumstances. Now, Miss Lawson, tell me more about… what did you call it?” 

“Indoctrination,” she replied, grabbing one of the chairs and sitting down, quite gracelessly. Up to that moment, she hadn’t realized how tired she was, running of the fading fumes of adrenaline. “It's a process the Reapers use on organic beings to force them to do their bidding.” 

“And they do it how?” 

“No one really knows. There are speculations, but nothing really concrete. There’s is some literature, but it’s scarce and mostly based on anecdotes. What we know is that being too close to Reapers and artifacts ascribable to them causes an incremental change of brainwaves over time, to a point where the indoctrinated becomes a thrall to the Reaper’s will. If the indoctrination happens at a slow pace, the person is unaware of the changes, thinks the ideas they come up with are their own, still think they’re in the right, like Saren Arterius, the SPECTRE, about three years back. He was still self aware and he thought he was doing the right thing for the Galaxy, while in reality it was Sovereign commanding him in order to bring forth the invasion in a less… gruesome way.” 

“Less gruesome? From what I know, the Reaper you called Sovereign caused extensive damage to the Citadel, and thousands died.” 

“That’s true,” intervened Ashley. “But in a way, the plan was going to be less gruesome than what had happened before, with the Protheans. We’ve come to learn that the previous invasion and culling of the Prothean race took many years, enough that they managed to both devise, but not complete, the Crucible and put many of their own in stasis, in order to survive the invasion and reclaim the Galaxy once the Reapers were gone.” 

The doctor took a deep breath. “Well, I guess that on a galactic scale, it is  _ less gruesome _ , to an extent. But back to the Commander, is this indoctrination reversible?” 

“Same as how it happens, we don’t know if it’s reversible,” Miranda responded. “Maybe in the first stages, but I have no idea about Shepard. The sparse literature I’ve read about indoctrination talks about different stages, with the latter ones being those most destructive. At that point, the indoctrinated person becomes a shell, with no will of their own and will stop even performing the most basic function like eating and drinking.”

Doctor Wilson shoot another look at Shepard, unconscious in the bed. “So it’s basically like being in a coma, but with the minimal degree of consciousness, enough to perform the tasks ordered but not enough to keep care of themselves.”

“For all we know, yes.”

“Alright, now down to the real question: why would the Reapers want to indoctrinate Commander Shepard? And how long as it been going on?”

Miranda, Ashley and Vega looked at each other, all with puzzled expressions stamped on their faces. “Again, we have no concrete idea,” she replied. “But… I do have a theory.” 

“And that would be?” prodded Ashley.

“Well… to put it down as simply as I can, they got beef with Shepard.” 

Vega chuckled. “You don’t say!” Vega chuckled. “She and the crew of the Normandy, under one banner or the other, single handedly thwarted their invasion plans  _ twice _ !” he went on. “I guess they tried to drag her on their side, I don’t know, as a form of revenge?” 

“Are Reapers even capable of being that petty?” asked Ashley. “Shouldn’t they be the most advanced intelligence in the universe?” 

“Oh believe me, I’ve met my fair share of extremely intelligent people that can be petty as fuck!” he replied. 

Miranda nodded. “I can vouch for that. I can be a petty bitch when I want!”

“That would mean you know how to be kind…” muttered Ashley. 

A long, awkward moment of silence followed the remark, but despite the situation and the not so veiled insult, Miranda laughed. Soft and not for long, but she laughed. And Vega followed, only a little louder. “Good one, Lieutenant Commander, good one. I’m surprised you didn’t aim for the  _ extreme intelligence  _ claim.” 

“That’s because I know you’re really smart, Miranda, no need to joke about that claim. You are extremely intelligent.” 

Taking a deep breath, Miranda smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment, Lieutenant Commander.”

Doctor Wilson looked at the three of them, puzzled. “Is there something I should know?”

“I’m a former Cerberus operative, doctor. I defected roughly a year ago. And Lieutenant Commander Williams doesn't like me. Rightly so, I may add, I’m not going to argue with her about my past, but we’re not here to talk about that. What are your plans, currently?” 

“As of now, damage control,” replied the doctor quite bluntly. “We’re low on everything, from antibiotics to splints for broken bones. Comms are still spotty, we don’t know if other cities are in the same situation or if we can call in more supplies. It’s a miracle we had enough to settle her for the basics of life support. If we were in standard circumstances, we would of course try more than damage control, but for now, we can only make sure Commander Shepard is comfortable and not in pain, as much as we can. If she holds on until we get better diagnostic equipment and treatment options, we’ll devise a more detailed plan. At the moment…” she sighed. “She’s stable, but I don’t know how long it will last. She took a bad beating, physically, but I’m worried about neurological decay.” 

“Because of the probable indoctrination?” 

She nodded. “Yes. From what you’ve told me, I’m mainly worried about that. I’ll need to consult a neurologist as soon as I can find one and get them to check on the Commander. Do you have anything else about indoctrination, or know where I can find some literature?” 

Miranda fiddled with her Omni-Tool. “I have something here, mostly the data from the Cerberus facility I mentioned earlier. I suppose I could go and check if the London cell is still standing and their computers are still connected on the Cerberus mainframe. Maybe I can pull something else out of there.” 

“Wait a sec!” exclaimed Vega. “There was a Cerberus cell here in London?” 

Miranda nodded, fiddled again and pulled a holographic model of the world, with hundreds of little dots on it. Most of them corresponded with major cities and urban conglomerates. “Cerberus was everywhere, even in the Alliance. They were worse than mold, and stank as much.”

Doctor Wilson chuckled. “I like the comparison.” 

“It took me a while to understand it,” she explained, plain and concise. “But I’m not going to apologize or scourge myself for my past, I’ve got enough to do on my hands now as it is. I need to remake the spinal implant, the C4 lesion might be incomplete, but it’s enough to impair functions below that level.” The doctor nodded, approving. “For that, I will need the specs and they are uploaded in the Cerberus network. But before that, we need to find out where the hell the Normandy is.” 

“I’m on it,” said Ashley, standing up. “I’ll go back to HQ and check on progress there. There must be a way to contact others outside the system, we can’t be completely isolated from the rest of the galaxy.”

“I’ll stay here then,” added Vega. “She shouldn’t be alone now. Even if she’s unconscious.” 

Miranda nodded. “Then I’ll go and check if the base is still in working order and try to retrieve as much as I can. Just, one more thing Doctor Wilson: on the worst case scenario, what will happen to Commander Shepard?” 

The young woman sighed and folded her arms across her chest. “Worst case scenario, she gets an underlying infection we can’t detect because we don’t have ways to do any test and the antibiotics we are using now aren’t the correct ones. On top of that, she was terribly dehydrated and I’m fearing for kidney function, though for now it seems to be still in working order. We’re trying to get our hands on a nasogastric tube for feeding, but even if we get the equipment, I don’t know if we can get the formula. And then there’s to take care of decubitus sores.” She took another deep breath and looked at the bed behind them. “Unless we get some equipment in the next couple of days, I doubt we’ll be able to hold onto her for more than a week. Two tops. She was clearly in great shape before this and that will help, but she’s gonna need fluids and calories if we want to even try to reverse the neurological damage. We can provide the fluids, for now. I’m not sure about the energy.” 

Miranda let out a soft grunt of frustration. “Very well. I’ll go look for whatever I can. Maybe if I can find a shuttle I could try and reach one of the research labs Cerberus had in France. Or any other facilities I can get to.” 

“You think you’re going to find something useful?” asked James. 

She shrugged. “Who knows. I don’t even know if those places still exist, but you know… hoping is free, am I right?” 


	5. Chapter 5

Thinking was becoming increasingly easier, even if it was for just a short time. There was still a layer of thick fog wrapped around her head, but it was slowly dissipating. By process of elimination, she had realized that she was indeed alive, only in some sort of suspended animation. She had very brief moments of clarity, short periods of time she could indeed form coherent thoughts and actually  _ think _ about what was going on, sometimes even capture snippets of what happened around her, mostly doctors talking medical gibberish. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t open her eyes, just struggling against something so simple made her drowsy and made her slip quickly into the thick, black silence. 

_ Again… damn this is getting hard…  _

As she drifted off to sleep again, the last coherent thought she could muster went in a completely different direction. 

_ I wonder how Liara’s doing… _

* * *

With power restored, the crew of the Normandy doubled their efforts to get the ship airborne again, while Traynor’s team tried to raise anyone through comms, both short and long range. Up to now, three days, maybe four after they had crashed, they had obtained only statics. Liara was doing the same, trying to contact her agents, those who were still alive, and getting her usually continuous feed back into action. 

Even her efforts amounted to zero results, for now. No contacts from her people, even Feron, and no data flowing on her screens. Everything was silent, save for the low hum of the engine and barely audible whisper of Glyph moving around, helping her the only way he could: hard and silent.

“Glyph, could you analyze the quality of the signal we send and the signal we receive? Just to check if everything’s in working order.” 

“At once, Doctor T’Soni,” it replied. moving to another side of the room where they had installed their specific transmitter for her Shadow Broker affairs. She looked at the small levitating orb for a moment as it worked its diagnostics routine and waited, patiently, for its reply. “Doctor T’Soni, I can confirm the transmitter is indeed in working order, we’re transmitting at full power and the receiver is at 100% capabilities.” 

“So there’s no apparent traffic, at our current range, I see.” She rubbed her eyes with her fingers. “We do depend on the Normandy’s comms though for longer range communications, maybe we should try and see if Traynor needs help with the repairs.” 

“It would be advisable, Doctor T’Soni,” the VI replied. “If the Normandy’s comms systems are somehow defective, ours would suffer too.” 

Liara nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

Standing up, she swayed a little bit and had to steady herself holding the edge of the table in front of her. Little food or drink and even less sleep were taking a toll on her. She could almost hear Doctor Chakwas reprimanding her, telling her to take care of herself. If not for her, for Jane.  _ She’s waiting for you on Earth, I’m sure _ , the doctor had said.  _ Don’t waste yourself, or she’s going to be very displeased with you _ .

She chuckled, amused by the thought of a very disappointed Shepard, seeing her down in weight. 

_ If she seems me again… _

There was still that nagging feeling in the back of her mind, that something had happened to Jane. Something bad. It was almost as if she could feel it, her pain and anguish, when she slept. The few, sparse hours she would randomly manage to get some rest, albeit plagued by nightmares. 

“Will I ever stop dreaming about London?” she asked herself.

“According to the resources available to me, traumatic events like those you’ve experienced tend to leave a deep mark in people, Doctor T’Soni. I would advise you to seek counselling as soon as you can.” 

She chuckled. “Thank you Glyph, it’s very considerate of you.”

“I would also suggest you take better care of yourself. If my observations are correct, you skipped a total of seven meals out of the customary nine you should have had in the past three days and you lack sleep too. Should I call Doctor Chakwas and ask her to prescribe a drug aid?” 

“There’s no need, I’ll ask her myself. Thank you again, Glyph. Could you please notify Samantha Traynor that I’m coming up to speak to her in about an hour?”

“At once, Doctor T’Soni.”

She grabbed the hoodie she had stolen from Shepard’s wardrobe and donned it. A quick sniff made her realize it needed to be washed, and she was already in dire need to take a shower, so before anything, she headed upstairs, to Shepard’s cabin. As she walked out of her room with some clean clothes in hands, she noticed the bustling activity around her. People were running around the crew quarters, some were grabbing a quick bite before going back to work, others were coming off their shift and there were those who were just starting their own. 

Even Cortez had decided to emerge from the shuttle bay and was sitting in the mess hall, a cup of coffee in one hand and a datapad in the other, deeply immersed in his reading. She didn’t want to disturb him, but as she walked past the hall to the elevator, he raised his head from the pad and smiled at her. “Doctor T’Soni! It’s good to see you!”

Liara smiled in return, weary. “Likewise, Lieutenant. How are you doing?” 

“The shuttle bay is too silent without Vega constantly tinkering with his weapons or hitting the bag. I was getting lonely down there. You?”

“Tired, hungry and in need of a shower.”

He smiled again. “I can’t do much for two of them, but I can invite you to share a bite with me. Sit down, I’ll bring you something. Coffee or tea?” 

“Tea please.” 

He stood as she sat down and returned a while later with a tray with two cups and two bowls. “It’s oatmeal day, sorry if it’s bland.” 

She shook her head and took bot the bowl and the mug he offered her. “I’m hungry enough I could eat a roasted varren, oatmeal will be just fine. How are the repairs going?” 

He shrugged his shoulders, then shook his head. “Without EDI directing the show, we’re flying blind,” he admitted. “We have to run all diagnostics ourselves and that takes time. We find new damage by the minute, things that must be repaired before we even try FTL travel. And then there’s the fact that we can’t seem to contact anyone in the Galaxy, and that’s spooking me to no end.” 

Liara had a hard time pushing a thick lump forming in her throat, the comms breakdown was a sore spot for her. “Yeah, don’t tell me.” 

“You’re worried about Commander Shepard, I understand. I can’t tell you, in good conscience, not to, just… don’t beat yourself too much about it.” 

“I should have stayed, Steve. I should have jumped off the Normandy like Ashley and James.” 

Gently, he took hold of her hand. “No, you shouldn’t have. James and Ashley disobeyed a direct order, and I’m sure Shepard is pissed to no end with them. And she would be royally enraged with you, if you had stayed.” 

“She would, but at least I would know what happened to her. It’s killing me, Steve.” 

He nodded. “I bet it is. Just have faith, Liara. She’s in good company down there, I’m sure Ashley and James are taking good care of her, whatever happened. They are probably nursing the worst hangover of their lives now, I bet they found some pub still in working order and drank all the beer they had in stock.” 

Liara snorted, trying to hold back a laugher. “Yeah, that sounds like Jane.” 

“And James. And Ashley. Those three are dangerous around alcohol, they have no restriction!”

“True!” She sighed. “Did she ever tell you about that time she managed to drink Wrex under the table?” 

He was taken aback with that concept. “What? How?” 

“He choose a much higher ABV liquor than her, just because  _ he’s a big ass Krogan and she’s a puny skinny pyjak _ . He underestimated her resistance. And he collapsed at the seventh shot.” 

“Wow, that’s… remarkable!” he commented.

“To say the least. Beating a Krogan in a drinking contest… that’s not an everyday feat. Even for another Krogan.” 

“Yeah… now now, eat your oatmeal and drink your tea. I’ve got to go back to work soon.” 

“Thank you Steve, I needed that.” 

He smiled, squeezing her shoulder. “Anytime, Liara. You’re welcome down to the shuttle bay, if you need some company.” 

“Will do, Steve.” 

She quickly finished her breakfast - apparently, she had remained awake working through the night again - and took the elevator up to Shepard’s cabin. The door slid open with a hiss, and automatically her hand went to the aquarium controls to feed the fishes. It was the first thing Shepard did, every time she walked in her room at the end of the day. She was pretty proud of her aquarium, as a spacer kid, growing up on ships she never had the chance of having a pet like a dog or a cat, she had always been stuck with fishbowls. When Cerberus added the aquarium to the captain cabin, she had been more than happy to scour through shops here and there to get new colorful creatures to fill it. She cared a lot about their health, so Liara was doing her best to keep them going. Luckily, they hadn’t suffered with the blackout as it hadn’t lasted long enough to cause permanent damage or worse, the complete annihilation of the ecosystem.

“There you are” she whispered. “All fed and warm.” 

Slowly, she took off her clothes and threw them in a messy pile on the floor beside the door to the ensuite bathroom, before she stepped in and opened the faucet. The initial rush of cold water hit her like a biotic blast in her face, waking her up with a start from her drowsy state, and as it warmed up, the water actually turned into a soothing sensation on her skin. 

Not wanting to deplete the hot water supply of the Normandy, she made quick work of her shower. She grabbed Shepard’s body wash from the shelf beside the faucet and chuckled. Despite being the savior of the galaxy, multiple times, and hero of the Citadel, the one person among all charted worlds in the Milky Way that could not only afford but get sponsored deals for anything and everything, she still used Alliance Issue standard supply. From clothes to hygiene products, she wasn’t different from any other Alliance Private. 

Down to Earth, the humans said. 

If there was anyone that was down to Earth that would be Jane Shepard, born and raised on a spaceship. Sometimes the Galaxy worked in strange ways. 

“Goddess, please let her be alright…” she whispered, letting the tears she had kept tightly to herself finally fall and mix with the water cascading over her. Leaning against the wall, she let self control go and unloaded the anguish that had piled up in the past few days. Just a moment to let it out, before she put on her Shadow Broker mask and got back to work with renewed energy. 

Just one moment…

In reality, it took Liara a little more than a moment to get a grip on herself and stop crying, but when she managed to do so, she did it with confidence and grit. This wasn’t a good time to break down when everyone else was going above and beyond their capabilities to get the Normandy in working order.

She quickly rinsed herself, grabbed a towel from the rack close by and wrapped herself in it, then she walked out of the bathroom. The restorative power of washing off three days of grime made her feel like a new person. Sure, the stress hadn’t magically been erased and she still needed to sleep, but her mind was clear enough to actually think coherently about what she could do to help Samantha fix the comms. 

Now finally dressed and energized, she threw the dirty clothes in a bag for laundry, got a new hoodie from Shepard’s drawers and went down to CIC to look for Specialist Traynor. One of her team directed her to the exterior of the Normandy, as she was checking the antennas on the outside of the ship. 

The air outside was cold and crisp, with a gentle breeze barely moving the fronds of the trees. Liara took a deep breath, as she stepped outside the main door of the Normandy, then she took hold of the rungs of the ladder just outside the door and climbed on the top of the ship. She had never been there, never seen the Normandy from that perspective, and it was a little strange. It looked smaller, from the outside.

Careful not to slip on the sleek surface, she walked towards the back of the ship and found Traynor sitting cross legged on the hull in front of an open panel, with circuit boards, tools and cables scattered around her, as she carefully extracted a component from another board. Her left hand was still bandaged, but she moved it with ease.

“I see your hand is improving!”

“Oh, good morning Doctor T’Soni! Glyph had warned me you wanted to talk to me. How are you doing?” 

“I forgot to sleep, Glyph said I skipped seven meals out of nine in the past three days and I realized this morning that I hadn’t showered since the crash,”” she replied sitting down beside her. “Other than that… not too bad.” 

Sam grimaced. “Uh, tough times. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, or Commander Shepard will be mighty angry with you, when we get back to Earth.” 

“If we get there in the first place…” 

The comms specialist sighed, set her tools on the hull and gently clutched her shoulder. “We will, Doctor T’Soni. We’re just trying to make sure we don’t blow up as soon as we engage FTL speed. Joker pulled a miracle out of his hat when he managed to crash here without any major damage. With the drive core out of commission and without EDI.”

“Speaking of which, any idea why she  _ fried _ ?”

“None,” replied Sam. “The funny thing is that every single memory bank is fine, those are intact. It’s the main processor that held the majority of her code that simply burst. Thing is, I doubt we will be able to rebuild that piece, it was a one-of-a-kind piece and without the original code, even with all her memories still stored we can’t access them because our software would be incompatible with her programming.” 

“No one ever thought of reverse-engineering her code I guess.” 

Sam took the circuit board she was repairing in one hand and with the other she fished in a small clear plastic bag full of different chips, looking for a good one. “No one ever thought we would suffer a EMP burst that powerful.”

“Did it cause issues even to the comms? Glyph and I ran some diagnostics earlier and our signal seems to work, but there’s no traffic.” 

“Actually, there’s a lot of traffic, it’s just that this little bastard of a component here is giving false readings.” She pointed at the open panel in front of her. “I had a revelation last night and came up here first thing in the morning. I was right: there are a number of fried chips here that need to be replaced.”

Suddenly, Liara felt a surge of hope deep in her chest. “Do you mean we could get back online soon?” 

She nodded. “As soon as I replace these chips here, we should be back online. Five minutes or so, I think. I’ve already replaced most of them, and this time I used surge-proof components. Cerberus slacked a little when it came to some components.” 

“They had already poured billions of credits between reviving Shepard and rebuilding the Normandy twice the size of the original, cut them some slack.” 

“Do you have an idea how much it cost them?” 

“About five billions, between the two projects. But that’s not even their most costly feat.” 

Sam raised an eyebrow, curious. “What are you talking about?” 

“About a year ago, right when the colonies started disappearing, they shoved a lot of money in the Andromeda Initiative, to colonize that galaxy too.” 

“Never heard of it.” 

“It wasn’t public domain, but to make it short the Initiative built what they called  _ ark ships _ to hold hundreds of people in stasis for the six hundred years required for the journey. Cerberus was very low key about their involvement, but they did fund the project with a lot of money. Rumor has it that the Illusive Man’s daughter herself was embarked in one of the arks.” 

“Wow, being the Shadow Broker sure has you constantly up to date with all the important news, uh?” Traynor pushed a chip in its socket and then shoved the board into its connector, then closed the panel. “One moment please…” she fiddled with her Omni-Tool and all of a sudden Liara’s own tool came alive, with a huge number of notifications popping in rapid sequence as three days of backlog unloaded all at the same time. 

“We’re online?” 

“Yes we are!” Sam exclaimed, triumphantly. “I’m not sure how far we can reach, that depends on comm buoys, but we’re online!” 

Liara tried to make sense of the huge number of messages coming up, but they were too many, so she ordered Glyph to sort them by importance, when she and Traynor received a local call from Joker. “Liara, are you there?” 

She pushed the button to reply. “I’m here Joker.” 

“Come down here, as soon as you can.” 

She stood as quickly as she could and walked back to the rudder heading for the main door. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve got Aria T’Loak on vidcom, she’s trying to patch through Miranda from Earth!”


	6. Chapter 6

The shuttle the Alliance was so kind to lend her, thanks to Lieutenant Commander Williams was surprisingly in good conditions, given the situation. When Miranda arrived in Stansted Mountfitchet, suburb area north of London, she managed to locate the building where Cerberus hosted its local cell quite easily. It was a bit run down and damaged, but it still looked in working order. Being so close to the local spaceport, it wasn’t a densely populated area, mostly industrial buildings with very few houses. With no population to harvest, the Reapers seemingly had concentrated on more densely crowded areas and let go of that place.

She parked the shuttle on the street in front of the building and stepped off it. The air was cleaner there, even considered the relatively little distance from the destruction of London, there was less dust hanging. In the east, there were large clouds gathering, it looked like it was going to rain by the time she got back to London. 

“Exactly what Shepard needs, a leaky roof over her head…” she mumbled, as she walked up to the door. Surprisingly, her ID codes still worked. The Illusive Man was quick to erase her from the ranks of Cerberus when she had defected, in light of his willingness to keep studying the human Reaper, but apparently he was not so fast at actually erasing her from the databases. 

“Finally something goes well,” she kept talking to herself as she opened the door. Inside, despite the layer of dust covering the floor and furniture, everything was still as the operatives had left it, no looters or Reapers coming to steal and pillage things. On the upfront, it was just a commercial business, if she remembered correctly it was posing as an import/export company, what she needed was below deck, so to speak. Pretty much every single local cell was built the same: a respectable company on the front, but if you knew where to look, you could find either a hidden door or a disguised trap door, and that’s where she needed to go. 

She didn’t even need to look for long, it was there, hidden in plain sight, the traditional trick of the moving bookshelf. “Classy…” She found the button to move it even without using the Omni-Tool. The shelf slid away from the wall and she pushed it enough to be able to move beyond the frame and into the dark corridor. The bright white light turned on as soon as a motion sensor picked up her movements, so the power was still there. “Even better… now let’s hope I don’t find a fanatic holed up in here ready to shoot me!”

Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. At the end of the corridor there was a biometric scanner that again let her pass, another sign that the higher ups had completely forgot to revoke her access to Cerberus resources, and finally, she was where she needed to be, the main room. From there, she could access the whole Cerberus Network, or whatever remained of it, and locate every single resource she would need to make sure Shepard could have every shot at getting back to health, despite the grim prognosis offered by the doctors that had treated her up to now.

Cerberus had a number of interests, one of them was medicine. With waging war, came also the need to treat the wounded, and there were hospitals scattered around the Galaxy funded by Cerberus that would treat them without outing them to authorities. After all, they were criminals, standard hospitals could very easily just refuse to treat any of those who were affiliated with the organization and call the police, so they had built their own network of hospitals and places where they could be cured without risking incarceration.

With a sigh, Miranda sat at the console and turned on the computer in front of her. She either needed a tub of coffee or there days of continuous, dreamless sleep, ever since the Battle Of London she had got little of each and it was messing up with her body and her brain. 

As the computer booted and grabbed her access ID codes from her Omni-Tool via the wireless interface, she leaned her elbows on her knees and massaged the back of her neck, trying to push away the tension from her muscles and tendons. “God I hadn’t been this tense since Shepard woke up too soon in the lab…” 

In that moment, her Omni-Tool beeped, signalling an incoming call. It was Ashley. “Lieutenant Commander, everything alright?” 

“ _ As good as it can be, Miranda. Have you reached the Cell? _ ” 

“Yes, I’m in. Computer is booting and doing a series of automated downloads. I think it was turned off months ago and there’s a subroutine that updates databases automatically when it gets turned on again.” 

“ _ That means you’re online, right? _ ” 

“Yes I am. Connection is slow, but it seems in working order. Why?” 

“ _ Because techs here managed to get off-planet connection running again and I wanted to tell you. _ ”

Wow, that was quick. Well, three days in the making, but surely a lucky coincidence. “Thank you, Lieutenant Commander, I appreciate the heads up.” 

“ _ Please Miranda, call me Ashley. No need for formalities. _ ”

She smiled, briefly. “Will do, Ashley. Have you heard from the Normandy?” 

“ _ Not yet, we’re looking for their signal, but we don’t know if comm buoys are damaged or still working, long distance comms may be hindered still. They’re working on it. _ ”

“I may be able to help, do you want me to come and see if I can?”

“ _ No, take care of Shepard. Concentrate on her, we’ve got this. _ ”

“Alright then. Seems like the computer is up and going, I’ll get back to it. Call me if you need anything.” 

“ _ Likewise, Miranda. Williams out. _ ”

With that, Miranda delved in the data the computer had managed to download. There was still some stuff being grabbed from the servers in the background, but what was important was ready to be accessed and downloaded locally. 

First and foremost, she checked the local inventory for medical supplies. The building stocked only basic things like bandages, antiseptic, some doses of antibiotics and general first aid drugs, but it was better than nothing. She took a mental note to raid the supply, then moved to look at the most recent files. Updates from various cells had been uploaded regularly up until about a week before, which coincided with Shepard’s assault at Cronos Station. The network was still in working order, probably because the headquarters hadn’t been completely destroyed, but everything was working at steam engine speed, it was going to take a while to access data that wasn’t available in the hard drives. 

Sighing, she started looking for the Lazarus Cell data. The package was easy to find, there were some files already saved, but the biggest chunk was online, and it was almost six petabytes of data. “God almighty, did I file that many reports?” Nevertheless, she started the download, that alone would have taken hours to complete. Then she looked for all the data she could find about indoctrination, another few petabytes of stuff she had never seen, all new research that had been performed and compiled either while she was too concentrated on reviving Shepard and fighting the Collectors or after she had defected. 

“The Illusive Man was really into it…” 

It unnerved her, seeing how low the organization had come. What once stood for the betterment of the human race, an ideal she could go by with little to no moral qualms had become just as bad as the Reapers, ready to devour its own species and morphe its population into something unrecognizable only to prevail over the other galactic races. That was not what she had signed up for. She knew the Illusive Man could be ruthless, but in his sometimes overly pragmatic ways he had always made logical assumptions and according decisions, but after he had tried to convince Shepard to spare the human Reaper, her certainty about his real motives started faltering.

And when Shepard showed her a thing or two about personal responsibilities and turned herself in to the Alliance over the Alpha Relay incident, she had quit Cerberus on the spot. Not even a resignation letter, she just stopped reporting in. 

Then Reapers came, her father tried to kidnap Oriana  _ again _ , shit hit the fan real quick and well, there she was, downloading data and scrapping medical supplies to keep Shepard alive. 

Again. 

“If it happens a third time Jane I’m leaving you to die. I don’t care if you’re a symbol or whatever, I can’t devote my life to keeping you alive, I’m not that resilient!” she exclaimed as she typed another search on the computer. 

When the result list came up on the screen though, she shook her head. “Who am I kidding? Of course I would come and resurrect her, again… Commander Jane Shepard, what have you done to me?” 

She could almost hear her voice in the back of her head.  _ That’s friendship, Miranda! _

“Yeah, right…” On the screen in front of her appeared a list of Cerberus facilities that could hold the necessary equipment needed to keep Shepard alive for a little longer. If the stocks were up to date, she wouldn’t even need to go to France, there was a medical facility up north, in Edinburgh. A couple hours tops and she would have everything she needed for at least two weeks, maybe more, enough time to get to the hospital in France with a bigger shuttle and haul both supplies and machinery to London. She was sure the Alliance military hospital would appreciate some free diagnostic equipment, courtesy of racist bastards that wanted to stop everything the Alliance stood for.

Call it karma.

_ I wonder how many agents and operatives are still alive… _ Miranda thought while she filled a few plastic bags with every single piece of medical equipment that was stored in the safehouse.  _ Well maybe… _

She pushed a few buttons on her Omni-Tool and called Ashley. “ _ Everything OK? _ ”

“Yes, just fine. I’ve got some supplies that I’m bringing back to the hospital and I’m downloading some stuff about indoctrination for Doctor Wilson. And there’s some things I can go and pick up in another safehouse in Edinburgh, mostly diagnostic equipment. Listen, I was thinking there are probably a number of Cerberus agents out there, maybe I can transmit a message on our emergency channel and try and rally some defectors into joining the rebuilding effort with the Alliance.” 

She heard a sigh on the other line. “ _ I don’t know Miranda… it’s not a bad idea, but I think the admiralty should vouch for it before I tell you to go ahead. We’re talking about Cerberus. _ ”

“I know, that’s why I asked. Maybe I could transmit something more on the line of helping where they are, not necessarily come out as Cerberus and put assets into good use.” 

“ _ That’s a better option, one that I can authorize myself as a SPECTRE. Do you think someone will answer your call? _ ”

“I have no idea, I don’t even know how many are still alive, it’s possible I’m the only one, but it’s worth a try. I’ll record it at once.” 

It was a quick message with no navpoint or specific indications on what to do and where, just an invitation to lend a hand wherever they were and in any way they could. And of course she added a little jab about the fact that Cerberus was done and they basically had no other alternative, as politely as she could of course, she didn’t want to upset anyone to the point they would do exactly the opposite of what she was asking. That would mean she had failed.

She sent it to the main computer and set it up for continuous transmission on the emergency channels, hoping there was still someone out there to listen to her plea. She wasn’t counting on it, but it made her feel better, maybe someone would take heed of her recommendation, switch sides and lend their help to rebuilding the galaxy, not just Earth. 

With that done, she went back at packing the medicines, until her Omni-Tool beeped with an incoming call. But it wasn’t coming from Earth, it came from…

“Omega?” She exclaimed, accepting the call. “Hello?” 

“ _ Ah, so you guys are still kicking down on Earth! _ ”

“Aria T’Loak?” 

“ _ The one and only. Now, Miranda, do you mind telling me why the network on Omega is flooded with your heartrending message? _ ” 

“What? Wait a second I…” Then she remembered that Cerberus had successfully invaded Omega and that maybe the emergency system was still in place. It was a damn tough piece of technology, very hard to erase from a network. “It’s Cerberus emergency channel, it must have remained dormant since Petrovsky’s invasion!” she explained. “I’m sending you a code to deactivate it, station-wide.” 

She sent the code and waited a few seconds for Aria to receive it and input it. “ _ Now that’s better. _ ” 

“I’m sorry Aria, I wasn’t thinking about the emergency network overriding Omega.” 

“ _ Oh I’m sure about that. I guess you already have enough on your hands. How’s the situation down there? _ ” 

“Well, more dead than injured, half of Earth is a pile of rubble and smoke, the other half is a warzone, we have no government and all the resources the Alliance had were poured in the Crucible. How’s Omega?” 

“ _ We’re holding up, we got hit by something that nearly turned off every single one of the damn reactors that keep Omega up and running, but we’ve got at least life support running fast. _ ”

“Even there? I thought that EMP burst caused damage only down here!”

There was a long moment of pause. “ _ Wait a second, are you telling me that the same burst that hit Omega also hit Earth? How’s that even fucking possible? _ ” 

“I haven’t got the faintest idea Aria, I thought it was something that malfunctioned on the Citadel.” 

“ _ The Citadel isn’t exactly very close to Earth either… _ ” replied sarcastic Aria. 

“Actually, it’s orbiting over Earth at this very moment.” 

Another long pause. “ _ That’s not possible. _ ” 

“You’re free to not believe me, but I swear it is. Here, I’ll send you the data…” 

“ _ Wait a moment! _ ” Aria interrupted her, briskly.

For a long moment, Miranda heard someone talking to Aria, too muffled and disturbed by static to hear what they were saying. The pause got longer and the conversation more heated. “ _ Just one moment Miranda. _ ” 

“Oh well, I haven’t got much to do anyway…” 

She waited, hearing noise of commotion on the other side of the line, voices being raised, orders shouted and even shots fired.  _ What the hell is going on?  _ Finally, Aria came back to her. 

“ _ Listen Miranda, don’t ask me how or why now, I have the Normandy on call. I’m trying to patch you through! _ ”

She felt her heart skip a beat. “They’re alive!”


	7. Chapter 7

Longer moments of clarity came with some pros but a lot of cons. 

The pros were mostly related to the self awareness, despite being limited to hearing what was going on around her. It was muffled and it felt like she was underwater, hearing conversations that were happening on dry land, but sometimes she could hear more clearly. From what she had gathered, she was indeed in a hospital, somewhere on Earth. Maybe, she had no idea. That meant she hadn’t died and they were making sure she wouldn’t kick the bucket in the immediate future. 

That was also a pro.

The cons though, they were starting to outnumber the pros.

She was starting to dream again. It wasn’t floating in the deep end of the pool anymore, just dark silent nothingness that enveloped her mind and shut it down for a long while. Images were now coming up, distorted shadows from her memory. As she drifted off after that minute or two she was somehow aware of her surroundings, her mind conjured some of the worst things she had seen in her life. Reapers, husks, people she cared about dying, the whole package, before she finally could feel herself shut down.

Suddenly, she had come to dread the wakefulness and crave the silence, the dullness, the dark. 

It wasn’t worth it. 

* * *

Throwing carefulness to hell, Liara dashed inside the Normandy, through the CIC and into the war room, finally colliding with the console that controlled the vidcom. It took her a moment to notice the slightly disturbed holo of Aria T’Loak, the Queen Of Omega, flickering in the projector. 

“ _Doctor T’Soni, it’s good to see you again!_ ” she quipped.

“Same here!” panted Liara. “How’s Omega?” 

“ _We’re holding our own. Now, I bet you’re more interested in speaking with Lawson rather than me, so I’ll take my leave and patch you through._ ”

“Wait, how did you manage to contact her?” 

Aria sighed. “ _Long story short, there’s still some Cerberus tech we haven’t flushed out, she sent a message through their emergency channel inviting their agents to lend a hand wherever they can and it broadcast even here. We backtracked the signal and got in contact with her. Almost at the same time, we received a SOS from the Normandy._ ”

“ _Which I haven’t launched!_ ” exclaimed Joker through intercom. 

“ _You AI must have, I don’t know!_ ” Aria replied, terse. “ _It was set for continuous transmission on every emergency channel possible. It probably reached Palaven and Thessia too, we just replied faster. Now, Miranda’s signal is audio only and it’s pretty disturbed, we’re trying to clear it up a little bit. Patching it through, and I’m out!_ ” 

“I’ll try on this side too!” said Traynor behind her. When did she arrive?

A discharge of static filled the room, and Liara grimaced at the annoying sound. “ _Normandy? Normandy do you copy?_ ” 

“We do Miss Lawson!” replied Traynor as she fiddled with the commands of the console. “Audio only, but we copy. Are you on Earth?”

“ _Yes! Yes I am. I’m currently in a Cerberus safehouse, north of London. Liara, listen… Shepard’s alive!_ ” 

The Asari felt her heart skip a few breaths and tears well in her eyes. “She’s alive?” 

“ _Yes…_ ” There was a long pause and despite the static and disturbances, Liara knew there was something Miranda wasn’t telling her. “ _Yes, she’s alive. She’s unconscious and battered, but she’s alive and she’s being treated in the Alliance camp hospital at base camp._ ”

She barely kept a gasp from coming out of her throat. “What do you mean battered? What happened?” 

“ _We don’t know for sure because of lack of diagnostic equipment, we know she has a number of fractures, most importantly some ribs, right leg and arm. We know that one of the spinal implants we put in her back is malfunctioning and she can’t breathe on her own right now._ ”

“She’s on forced ventilation?” 

“ _For now, yes. I’m trying to download the schematics of the implants from the archives of the Lazarus Project so I can rebuild it, but damn you guys did a number at Cronos Station! The download speed is abysmal!_ ”

“We’ve got a full copy of the Cerberus archives too,” said Traynor. “Shepard felt it would be a good thing to save the data, just in case.” 

“ _And she was right!_ ” replied Miranda. “ _Listen, I know what we’ve done is despicable on many levels, but let’s not throw the baby away with the bathwater, there’s useful stuff in there._ ” 

“Yes, I understand, but back to Shepard. What’s the prognosis?” interrupted Liara, snapping a little more than she had intended. It was already a miracle they could even talk to Miranda, there was no need to get angry at her like that. 

“There’s no prognosis, they don’t know enough to formulate one,” she explained. “That’s one of the reasons I’m here, to look for medical supplies. As soon as I’m done with the download I’ll head to Edinburgh, there’s a Cerberus facility that should have portable diagnostic equipment. They’re short on everything, maybe I can scavenge stuff Cerberus won’t need and put it to good use.” 

“So you’re telling me that Shepard is possibly paralyzed, she can’t breathe on her own and you don’t know why?” 

She heard Miranda sigh on the other side of the line. “No, Liara, I’m telling you that we know why she can’t breathe, but we don’t know the details because the doctors don’t have the equipment to know more than that. They’re making differential diagnosis using only Omni-Tool scanners while in a standard medical context Shepard would need an array of exams and scans that cannot be performed in a camp hospital.”

“Then tell me what you know, please!” 

There was something wrong. Miranda Lawson wasn’t one to beat around the bush, Liara had come to know it a long time ago, when they had coordinated the exchange of Shepard’s body after she was spaced when the Normandy SR1 was attacked by the Collectors, and that was exactly was she was doing in that moment. She was beating around the bush.

“ _Alright,_ ” Miranda conceded. “ _What we know… left leg and arm are fractured, she has bilateral broken ribs and signs of major chest trauma. Her still intact lung, the one we weren’t forced to replace with a cybernetic implant, collapsed because of pneumothorax. There are signs of a concussion, mostly abnormal mydriasis and of course the unconsciousness. Her spine took a bad hit, hence the malfunctioning implant, I’m talking about the C4 one, the one in the lumbar spine seems to be in working order, that's why she’s not autonomously breathing. She has scuffs, abrasions and cuts, a black eye and a cracked mandible, a possible whiplash neck injury. She was severely dehydrated when we found her and kidney and hepatic function are being very closely monitored. They couldn’t perform any other test, this is all they know because that’s what they could get to know. She’s under saline drip and wide spectrum antibiotics because they don’t even know if she has an infection. Listen, I can send over the medical chart so you can show it to Karin, but this is as much as we know now._ ” 

Liara closed her eyes and ran her hands over her face. That was bad, and they were stranded in the middle of nowhere with no specific idea of when the Normandy would be FTL ready. Every single injury Miranda listed felt like a stab in the gut, but being so far away from her, when she needed her the most? That was heart wrenching. 

“ _Liara, listen to me. I’m doing the best I can to ensure that she’s treated the way she deserves. I’ve spent two years of my life bringing her back from the dead, I’m not letting her go so easily, believe me! Now, where are you?_ ” 

“On Zorya,” she replied. “We just managed to reactivate comms. The Normandy sustained extensive damages and the crew is repairing them.” 

“ _I see… EDI, would you give a status report to a non-Alliance officer?_ ” The silence that followed the request was thick and tense “ _Uh, EDI? Everything alright?_ ” 

“Miss Lawson, I’m afraid I have to tell you that EDI is not functioning at the moment. We were hit by a EMP burst that unfortunately fried her core processors and its RAM modules,” said Sam.

“ _What? No, wait a second, EDI’s core is shielded, she shouldn’t have any issue even with the strongest burst!_ ”

“I can’t explain it either, but right now she’s offline.” 

“ _Fuck…_ ” she cursed. “ _Alright uhm… let me think… Joker, do you have any idea how long it will take you guys to reach Earth?_ ” 

“ _Right now, I doubt we’ll finish repairs for FTL travel in less than five days, three if things speed up a little bit. Then we’ll have to see if the relays are in working order. Whatever hit us, it came from the relay when we jumped out of it._ ” 

“ _Right. Specialist Traynor, I’ll send you my access codes in case you need them, but you should be able to open files you’ve downloaded from Cronos Station without a problem. Look for Project Blue Moon, it should contain all the details of how EDI is built and programmed. Maybe even a backup copy of the source code, but I’m not sure about that._ ” 

“Oh, thank you Miss Lawson! I’ll look into it as soon as I can.” 

“ _I’m not saying you’ll be able to repair her, but you can at least start making plans on how to repair her. Joker, don’t worry, we can rebuild her!_ ” 

“ _Miranda, if you start quoting The Six Million Dollar Man I’ll cut you out!_ ”

She laughed. “ _Maybe I should quote The Two Billion Credits Woman, I know that project better than that old 20th century TV show._ ” 

That made Liara chuckle, a moment of levity in the midst of all grief. “And the quote would be?” 

“ _Reviving someone from death is a mess, it takes way too much time and resources, I’d like to keep her alive so she can make a full recovery and if I have to build custom implants from scratch or scavenging Reaper tech all over Earth to keep her alive damn right I’m gonna do it!_ ”

“She’s in good hands,” replied Liara. “I knew that back then and I know it now. I trust you, Miranda.” 

On the other line, they could hear a sigh. “ _Thank you, Liara. It means a lot for me. And again, thanks for the help with my sister._ ” 

“It was a pleasure. By the way, how is she faring?” 

“ _Surprisingly good, thank you. She’s in Rome now, or what remains of it. I’ll probably go pick her up one of these days and take her here in London. I think she would be more helpful here than there._ ” 

“If she’s half as smart as you, Oriana could be helpful everywhere in the Galaxy.” 

“ _Believe it or not, she’s a lot smarter than me. Listen, do you think we can establish a straight connection without having Aria to bridge for us?_ ” 

“ _That would be nice, Lawson, you guys are using a lot of bandwidth we could really use for own comms!_ ” interjected Aria. So, she was still listening in, she wasn’t _out_ as she had said before.

“Working on it!” exclaimed Traynor. “Just a few more moments, I need to backtrack the signal back to Earth, but I have to redirect through a number of buoys and it’s taking more time than expected… and done! I’m connected to the main Alliance comm buoy in Sol. Joker, you know what to do!”

“ _On it!_ ”

“Wow!” exclaimed Sam, swiping a messy lock of hair from her eyes. “This morning is turning out to be less crappy than expected, don’t you think Doctor T’Soni?” 

Liara nodded. “It’s not… ideal,” she conceded. “But it’s better than what I was expecting.” 

“ _I can confirm. Now that I know you guys are fine maybe I will sleep tonight,”_ added Miranda. There was relief in her voice, Liara could hear it clearly even through the slightly disturbed communication. “ _If buoys work it means the relays aren’t damaged, right?_ ”

“I wouldn’t count on it, Miss Lawson. Interplanetary comms theoretically work even without the relays, they are built not to rely too much on them, I have no way to know if the relays are involved right now or if we’re transmitting straight buoy to buoy, not without EDI to run her analysis program,” replied Sam. “For all we know, the relays could be laying in pieces.” 

“ _I see. Joker, how long would it take to reach Earth from your position without the relays?_ ” 

“ _At constant FTL speed, if we can get the fuel and other supplies regularly and don’t experience any breakdown, we’re talking weeks. Maybe months. It’s not something I would like to go through, to be honest, I have no idea if there are depots still working in the galaxy!_ ” 

“ _Got it. Guys, I’ve got to go, downloads are done and I’ve got some supplies to deliver before I head north to Edinburgh. I’ll ask Ashley to get as much info on the relays and their operativity as possible, then send it your way. We’ll keep you posted about Shepard, alright?_ ” 

“You better!” exclaimed Liara.

“ _Will do. I will send copies of the medical chart to Karin too, just in case. She’s been taking great care of Shepard in the past, I’m sure she’ll appreciate if we keep her in the loop, she could have some tips to send our way. Take care. Lawson out._ ” 

“ _And on that note, it was nice to see you’re all alive and well… sort of. Keep us in the Terminus Systems posted too! Omega out!_ ”

The vidcom turned off and the room fell silent, save from the thrum of the engine downstairs. Liara leaned against the banister that separated the holoprojector from the rest of the area and rested her forehead on her palms, elbows planted on the metallic divider. “She’s alive…”

She felt Traynor give her a gentle squeeze of her shoulder. “She’ll be fine. The Commander is the most resilient person I’ve ever met. She’ll pull through splendidly. By the time we get back to Earth, she’ll be up and about being her normal self and wanting to help others.” 

Her shoulders sagged a little, but she nodded. Sam was right, Shepard was one tough cookie if she had ever seen one, she would pull through in no time. And Miranda knew what she was doing, she wouldn’t let her go so easily, after she had spent so much time and effort bringing her back. 

She was in good hands, of that she was sure. 

“Everything will be alright, Doctor T’Soni. It may take some time, but we’ll be alright. Everyone of us.” 

“It’s good to see that even after everything you’ve been through you’re still optimistic about our outcomes. It’s… refreshing.” 

Sam shrugged. “What can I say, there are enough Debbie Downers in the Galaxy. I know it won’t happen tomorrow, in the blink of an eye, but I can still hope that, one day down the line, we will rebuild what we lost and be better than before. And why not, maybe even the Shadow Broker will help us get there.” 


	8. Chapter 8

God, what the hell was that annoying sensation? Like a dull, rhythmic throb on the top of her head. 

But, was it her head? Or another part of her body? 

She didn’t even have the faintest idea if she was still whole or if she was just a brain in a jar, floating in formaldehyde for the entertainment of some squid-like hyper aware artificial intelligence?

If it hadn’t hurt so she would have thought it was funny. 

Wait a moment, was that a headache? 

It hurt too much to even try and rationalize if it was a headache or a sprained ankle. And the voices…  _ God James could you stop talking for a moment? _

But of course not, the beefy marine was constantly bragging about his  _ guns _ but the most exercised muscle in his body was his tongue. He was probably a sleep talker too…

And now that she thought about it, what the hell was he doing wherever they were, wasn’t he on the Normandy? Was  _ she _ on the Normandy? No, wait, that didn’t make sense, she would have heard Doctor Chakwas, not that other medic that kept talking about all her neurological readings made no sense and that her brain was fried. 

As the throbbing got worse and worse by the minute, drowning every sound, Vega’s voice got distant until she couldn’t hear it anymore. Time for some new nightmares then…

* * *

Thank God there the video quality of that call ws abysmal, because lying to Liara about Shepard’s real condition was gruelling. Miranda Lawson often prided herself in the tight control of her emotions, one of the few things her father’s strict upbringing she actually appreciated, but when they closed the comm, she couldn’t help but fall back on the chair in the middle of the room and start crying. How could you tell someone that the person they loved was in a coma and that the Reapers had probably scrambled her brain like eggs for breakfast, beyond any possible repair? How can you break a news like that to anyone? 

Good thing she had never followed her father’s plan of her becoming a trained medical doctor, because she wasn’t really sure she was cut for that part of the job, despite her moniker  _ Ice Queen _ if she got attached to someone, and she had got attached to Shepard, she actually cared for their wellbeing. Losing Shepard would mean the galaxy would lose their hero, but to her meant to lose a friend, Liara would lose her bondmate and every person of the Normandy crew would lose someone important. 

It sucked. 

She managed to keep it short and controlled, and she got back to work immediately. There was no time to waste. 

She gathered the supplies and the hard drives she had used to download the data and headed back the shuttle. She didn’t even care about shutting the doors behind her, whoever was in the area and could need a safe place to stay could have used that house.  _ If _ there was someone in the area, that was a big if. She loaded the bags in the back of the shuttle and headed back to the Alliance base camp. 

Once there, she noticed nothing much had changed. The first thing she did was taking the supplies inside the hospital and delivered them to the first Alliance soldier she could find. 

“Could you please take these?” She handed him the large bags. “It’s basic medical supplies I managed to find in an old Cerberus safehouse.” 

The man happily relieved her of the heavy plastic bags. “Sure Miss Lawson. And thank you, I’m sure these will come in handy.” 

“I think I can find more, just give me time. Anyway, have you seen Doctor Wilson?”

He nodded and pointed her at a hallway to their left. “Down there, he’s treating a patient. By the way, we’ve got off planet comms back online and we heard from the Normandy. They’re alive and well, just need for some repairs to the ship.” 

Not wanting to burst his bubble of joy, she smiled. “Thank you for letting me know, it’s a relief. I’ll be going now.” 

He gave her a quick nod and moved to take the supplies where they were needed, while she headed in the direction he had told her looking for Doctor Wilson. She was checking on a patient, but it didn’t take her long to finish the consultation and come to her. “Miss Lawson, I thought you were going to look for a Cerberus safehouse!”

“That I did, I just returned!”

The medic frowned. “How long has it been?” She checked her watch. “Jesus, it’s already seven PM!” she exclaimed. “You been gone for a long while then!”

Miranda nodded. “Time flies when you’re busy. Listen, I’ve grabbed all the data Cerberus had on indoctrination. They did extensive research on it, the Illusive Man wanted to control the Reapers and they did unspeakable things to refugees on Horizon, for that I can’t do anything but apologize.” 

“Miss Lawson, I know about Sanctuary. I also know that you weren’t involved and that you actually tried to stop them. You don’t have to apologize, not to me at least.” 

“I know, but I’m not proud of that anyway. I haven't had the time to check everything, but I know they did research on how to keep indoctrinated people functioning. I suggest you could start from there.” 

Wilson nodded and accepted the hard drive Miranda handed her. “I will. Can I share what I find? I have requested a neuro consultation for the Commander, but the closest neurologist I could find is currently stuck in Berlin. She should manage to arrive in a couple of days, but if I share the scans we did on Shepard and these data maybe she’ll be able to get a better picture by the time she gets here.” 

Miranda nodded. “Share whatever you want, it’s not a secret research anymore. Cerberus is dead for all I care. Maybe there are other people in the same situation and other doctors like you are trying to save them too, sharing this kind of information will be useful to everyone.” 

“Thank you, Miss Lawson. I have no updates on Shepard at the moment, she’s stable, for now. It’s the best I can tell you.” 

“I see. Listen, when I got those data I manage to find some basic supplies and I brought them here. Also, I’ve located a Cerberus location that was used as a hospital, in Edinburgh. It should be stocked with equipment you don’t have here, at least records I was able to access say so. If you could make a list of what you need I could go and grab what you need if I find it there.” 

“Miss Lawson, I can make you a list in five minutes, but you need to sleep. And eat. When was the last time you stopped and rested?” 

She took a moment to think. “Uhm, before the assault I think, I’m not really sure. “

Shaking her head, Doctor Wilson grabbed her hand and checked her pulse, then pinched the skin of the back of her hand. “What’s your resting heart rate usually?” 

“Mid fifties, I think.” 

The medic let out a grunt. “It’s seventy two now. And you’re just standing in front of me, doing nothing but talking. You’re dehydrated and you’re probably in an extreme calorie deficit. Have you eating anything after the assault?” Miranda shook her head. “And you’re a biotic? I wonder how you’re still standing at all! Come with me.” 

The doctor headed further down the corridor, dragging Miranda by the wrist. “Doctor Wilson, there’s no need…”

“Yes there is. I need you able bodied and awake if I have to keep Shepard alive. You know her inside and out, all the implants and other bits of cybernetics that Cerberus put inside her, I need that knowledge.”

“Well, I put those cybernetics in…” 

She nodded. “Not only that, you designed most of them! Here…” They had arrived in what looked like a massive storage room in what was once a hotel hall, and she knelt beside a number of boxes and started rummaging inside a box filled with packets and packets of MREs, meal replacements, supplements and energy bars. “Allergies or other things I should know about?” 

Miranda shook her head. “No. I’m not a fan of soy based protein.” 

Doctor Wilson nodded. “Noted. Here, take this!” she threw her a thick bar wrapped in blue foil. “Just for starters. Then, you and I are going to talk about what kind of facilities you can get access to, what kind of equipment they store, where they are and how long will it take to make those facilities operative.” She grabbed a few more items then stood up. “Come with me, I’m starving myself.” 

It wasn’t much, but it was food, it looked more than edible, and she was famished. Without hesitation, she tore the wrapper and sank her teeth in the high protein meal replacement bar Doctor Wilson had given her and followed her through a maze of corridors. If felt like they had walked for six blocks, but in reality it was just her body realizing that she was worn beyond its natural abilities to withstand exhaustion. As she slowly chewed on the bite in her mouth, she blindly followed the doctor, paying very little attention to where they were going until, somehow, they got to Shepard’s room. 

“Oh, we’re here.” 

“Yeah, I think Lieutenant Vega hasn’t had anything to eat too, I don’t want too many people falling ill due to malnutrition if I can help it.” She pushed the door open with her shoulder and walked in. James was not alone, Ashley had come back from Alliance command and they were sitting on either side of Shepard’s bed, both clutching their assault rifles in their hands, hard, as if they were trying to stay away from each other, while still being polite and friendly. Tension between them could be cut with a breadstick. Doctor Wilson stopped in her tracks when the two Alliance soldiers suddenly stopped talking when she entered the room. “Is there something more I should know?” 

The two of them exchanged a nervous look. “No!” they exclaimed at the same time. 

“Uh, alright…” the medic shrugged it off and threw an MRE bag to James and another to Ashley, then turned and handed one to Miranda, while she was still eating the protein bar. “Eat up, and then find a place to sleep. You three are going to Edinburgh tomorrow at first light.” 

“Wait, what?” asked Vega. “Why Edinburgh?” 

The medic’s order caught Miranda by surprise too. “You don’t even know what’s there!”

“I’ll make you a list and you three are going to get what you can find, but you can’t go alone, Miss Lawson. You three seem quite competent at finding things together. Also, you don’t know what’s out there, we haven’t heard from Edinburgh in days for all I know so I want you to look at each other’s six. I will have more than enough on my hands treating Commander Shepard, I don’t want to have to cure you three too.” 

Speechless, Miranda decided not to argue with that assertion and took a seat on a chair placed against the wall. “If the Alliance Command is alright with this…” 

“They better be,” continued Wilson. “We’ve got way too many wounded, I don’t want anymore. I’d feel better if you’d go together, after all you’re going to retrieve supplies for us,” she explained, picking a chair for her own and opened her own MRE. “I would love to go with you, but we’ve got no surgeons to spare at the moment, I can’t leave.” 

“Oh so you got what you were looking for?” asked James, punching one of the portions of his MRE to break the seal and let the chemical reaction warm his food. “Oh, by the way, we got word from the Normandy.”

“I’ve heard. Any words on the relays?” 

Ashley pitched in. “Not yet. Alliance Command was more focused on getting off planet comms back online. I think they wanted to be able to coordinate every troop that' still alive, rather than just blindly send a scout party to the edge of the system to check on them.” 

“Makes sense,” replied Vega. “We’ve already lost enough people, we can’t just move troops around like we have more to spare.” 

“And that’s exactly why I want you three to go together to Edinburgh,” added Doctor Wilson. “Speaking of which, what kind of equipment do you think you can find?” 

Miranda pulled the list of stock she had found at the safehouse and started reading. “There are at least two portable X-Ray machines, a number of ventilators, various supplies, also beds, cots, and such. The data says the facility was last visited about six months ago and that some stocks have been resupplied, mostly antibiotics and other medicines. There should be also a CT scanner and an MRI, those are going to be tough to move though.” 

“But we desperately need those…” Doctor Wilson mumbled. “Listen, you go and take everything that’s not nailed to the ground. If those scanners are still in decent conditions, I’ll ask the higher ups if they can send some techs to retrieve them.” 

Vega looked at Ashley. “You could always ask the SPECTRE here, in case the high ups don’t listen to you.” 

“If it helps Shepard, I can give the order right now,” she added.

Wilson nodded. “It will help a lot, not only Shepard. I still have to understand the indoctrination you talked about, but a CT scan will surely help us a lot understand her brain’s conditions, if there’s damage and what kind of damage we’re dealing with. You think you can find the equipment for nasogastric feeding? She won’t last long without that.” 

“It wasn’t listed, but I’m hoping to find something,” replied Miranda. 

“And if we don’t find it there, we’ll scour every Cerberus location we can get to with one fuel tank,” added Ashley, with a smile.

“You’re a SPECTRE, you get free fuel!” joked Vega. “Say the word Doc, we’re out for supply run tomorrow.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to a number of circumstances, from this chapter on the illustrations will be fewer, not one each chapter. Things happened and shipsnthenight has got important things to do with university, and illustrating each chapter was becoming too time consuming.


	9. Chapter 9

The headaches came and went, she basically got one every time she gained the little awareness she had, just like the nightmares. 

What was worse, she had no idea, she couldn’t decide. The headaches felt like someone was hammering an ice pick in her head, but they didn’t last that long, she usually lost consciousness way before the pain got unbearable, the nightmares on the other hand, they seemed endless. 

Thessia, Horizon, London… she relieved them again as if she was actually there, back in the middle of the battles she had so narrowly escaped alive, only they were much worse, with more Reapers and less ammo to face them, she was surrounded by death all the time. The face of every single person, human or alien, came to haunt and taunt her, asking her why she hadn’t saved them, she had let everyone die. 

_ You were too late! _ they would yell, angry.  _ You are not good enough! _ Her ears resonated with their screams of pain and anguish as they died again and were transformed in Husks in front of her eyes and attacked her. Most of the time, she had no ammo to defend herself, so she fought with her bare hands, but they were too many. No one came to help her. Her friends were dead too, laying on the ground around her, their bodies piled up in tall mounds all over, the last thing she would see before the cold darkness enveloped her once again, much to her relief.

* * *

When the news broke on the Normandy that Shepard was alive, no matter how battered or in precarious health, turned the mood completely inside out. Everyone on board did a complete 180°, they got more cheerful, they started talking more and even the repairs got faster. The ship still needed extensive work, but they were progressing much faster than before the news was delivered. Efforts were doubled on every front and in three days, the Normandy was back up and running. The hull was a bit of a patchwork of pieces scavenged from run down mining complexes around, it was ugly, but it worked. 

They were ready to fly. 

And yet, there was no word by Alliance Command on the relays. They were in constant contact with what remained of the chain of command and they had got word of other Alliance ships in the area, all damaged and in need of repairs like the Normandy. They had managed on their own and were now waiting for news. They knew they couldn’t all converge back to Earth, no matter how badly they wanted to see their home again, there was no way the little infrastructures remaining back home could house all of them, but everyone, on every single ship that had survived the last battle against the Reapers wanted to go back and help with the building, no matter what. And when the repairs were done, that desire to go back got even stronger. 

And so did the frustration.

When Hackett was told that they were ready to return to Earth if the relays were working, he had ordered them all to stall, to stay in place and wait for further orders, but with nothing left to do but standard maintenance, the Normandy crew was quickly growing restless by the moment. Three days after the ship had been declared FTL ready and Hackett had ordered them to stay put, the brewing energy was growing closer and closer to mutiny, and with both the Captain and XO absent from the ship, as no one had even tried to step up and take their roles, the crew was left to their own means. 

Those means worked as long as they had to repair the ship. With the ship in working order, someone was already talking about mutiny. 

“But Sam, is it mutiny if there’s no captain to mutiny against?” asked Liara.

Sam shrugged her shoulders, but said nothing. They were in EDI’s room, in the back of the med bay with Doctor Chakwas, Joker and Cortez, just discussing the latest news incoming from Earth, while Sam was trying to run every kind of diagnostic software she had on EDI’s boards and processors, in the attempt to at least restart some of the basic programming. 

“Technically, it wouldn’t be munity then,” replied Cortez. “We’re currently without a commanding officer and XO. No one stepped up to act as such. Chain of command is a mess and I doubt they know what to do themselves. I don’t think it would be a court martial case if we disobey the stay-put order, but we surely get into some trouble.” 

“Yeah, like being grounded for the next ten years!” said Joker. “Or stuck in office jobs for the rest of our careers. Dishonorable discharge?” 

“And who would discharge us?” added Cortez. “Hackett? I really don’t think so. We’re the Normandy crew, not just another crew. We have an advantage on that. We’re Shepard’s crew, I doubt he would do something so extreme as discharging us, honorably or not so much.” 

“Well Steve, I’d love to keep my income, if you don’t mind,” finally replied Sam. “If the rest of the crew will decide to disobey Hackett, I’ll support them, but if they ask my opinion on it, I’m not into it, at all.” 

“What about you, Karin?” asked Joker. “You’ve been in the Alliance longer than us, you know Hackett better, what do you think will happen if we just head back to Earth and to hell with the orders we were given?” 

“You want my honest opinion or should I sugarcoat it a little?” 

“Brutally honest please.” 

“You’re looking for lots and lots of trouble if you leave now. If Hackett told you to stay put there’s a good reason. What if you try to use a relay and it fries us like a wedge potato in hot oil?” 

By the look on his face, it was clear that Joker hadn’t thought about that possibility. “Oh. You think we’re stuck because they don’t know how the relays work?” 

Doctor Chakwas shrugged. “It’s a possibility. Also, I doubt they have room enough for the whole fleet down there, let alone the food to keep us all alive.” 

“At least Joker landed us on a planet with edible food. Only Garrus and Tali need to tap into the rations, and there’s a year worth of them in stock,” said Liara then. 

“And I’m sure if we look around a little more we can find stuff they can eat too,” continued Chakwas. 

“Are we even planning on staying here that long?” asked Cortez then. “I mean, I get we have been told to stay here, but for how long? We may get the green light to return to Earth in a couple of days!”

“Or in a couple of months!” said Joker. “We don’t know what’s going on with the relays and when they’ll be functional again.”

“ _ If _ they can be functional again,” interjected Liara. “We don’t have much data on that, though I can try and intercept something from the Alliance, maybe we can get a better idea of their status.” 

Everyone looked at her, shocked at something she had said.

“Wait a second!” exclaimed Sam, slipping out of the alcove she had snuck in to check other parts of EDI’s circuitry. “Are you telling me you haven’t tapped into the Alliance comms?” 

“I have a backdoor, but at the moment it didn’t feel right to gather intel and information when the situation is what it is. I haven’t tapped anyone else, not even the Krogans or the Turians,” she explained. “Out of respect. I could, I mean, I have backdoors everywhere and agents ready to start gathering all the intel I want or need. Should I?” 

“Yes!” they exclaimed in unison. 

“Liara, do you understand what kind of advantage we would have if you tapped into their comms and started gathering intel?” asked Karin. “We could be ready hours before we get the official green light to leave the planet and return to Earth!”

“Yeah! We could already be in orbit rather than in dry dock on the planet! Do you have an idea how faster than the others we could be on our way to Earth if we knew Hackett is going to give us freedom to move?” said Joker. “At least six hours before anyone else even starts preparations for take off!”

Sighing, Liara fiddled with her Omni-Tool. “Glyph, could you please open the backdoors of Alliance Command and start gathering intel?” 

“ _ At once, Doctor T’Soni. Do you want to open the backdoors of all other races? _ ” asked the little round VI in the room opposite of where they were sitting. 

“Yes, but concentrate on Alliance Command. Everything you get about the relays and their current status, from any source, please forward it immediately.”

“ _ It will be done, Doctor T’Soni. Do you need anything else from me? _ ” 

“Yes, could you please ask Garrus and Tali to come here? I think we need their consultation too, if we are going to mutiny or not.” 

Cortez chuckled. “Why haven’t we called them in the first place?” 

“I tried,” said Liara. “But then I heard strange noises coming from the battery and I didn’t want to disturb them.”

Joker snorted trying to suppress a boastful laugh and his hand shot at his ribcage as he doubled over. “Please Liara don’t make me laugh like that! Did they have to sterilize the battery?” 

Chakwas smiled for a moment. “Indeed they had. It took them three days, but they did.” 

“Is it even possible for them to… you know…” asked Sam, quite evasive. 

The older doctor nodded. “With a bit of care and effort… there are vids about that,  _ Fleet & Flotilla  _ is a lovely love story about a Turian and a Quarian, it has happened, they’re not the first.” 

“I wonder if a Quarian and a Krogan could have a relationship…” said Joker. “I mean, Quarians are so lithe, both males and females, while even female Krogans are massive! How would that work?” 

“Well, Shepard showed me a very old vid series about a fairy tale parody and there were a donkey and a dragon in a stable relationship!” replied Liara. “With a bit of effort and care I’m sure it can be worked out.” 

“You make it sound so easy…” said Sam. “Wait a second though, you said a donkey and a dragon? Did Shepard make you watch Shrek?” 

Liara nodded. “Yes, I think that was the title. It was funny, though she had to pause often to explain some details that are rooted in human culture.” 

Joker, Cortez and Sam exchanged a look and they all chuckled. “Who knew the commander was one for very old very funny children vids filled with dirty jokes and naughty bits,” replied the pilot. “Also, those are really, really old vids, they’re so old they were still called movies at the time!”

“Early 21st century, right?” asked Joker. “Wow, back in those days I would have never survived past infancy. Maybe even childbirth, actually.” 

The door hissed open and Garrus and Tali appeared. “And now you survived a Reaper Invasion, you should be proud!” spoke the Turian. “So, Glyph said you’re deciding if you will approve or dismiss any possible mutiny movement in the crew. What’s the consensus?” he asked, sitting on the floor beside Liara, while Tali started helping Sam with the repairs of EDI’s core.

“Right now I’m fully against any mutiny,” explained Chakwas. “We don’t know why we were told to stay here, but all the major reasons I can come up with are pretty compelling.”

“On the other hand I’m not totally against disobeying and at least get in stationary orbit,” Joker went on. “At least we could test the hull repairs and perfect them before we launch at FTL speed.” 

“I’m not against it, if I have a say,” added Tali. “If we can at least make a test run on the engine and the repairs we’ve done, I’ll feel more confident about using the relays, when we’ll be allowed to actually move from the cluster.” 

“Liara’s also tapping into Alliance comms so we can get a headstart on any future order,” explained Cortez.

“And that’s nice,” mumbled Garrus, rubbing his shoulder. He had got a pretty bad hit during the last assault, but he was doing a lot better, while still in pain. “Any news on Shepard?” 

Chakwas shook her head. “Still unconscious, but she seems to be stable. Given her conditions and the lack of adequate equipment, it’s a good thing at the moment.” 

Liara shuddered for a moment. Every update, or lack of thereof, they got on Shepard was at the same time the highlight and the worst part of her day. When she managed, Miranda would call them, but most of the time it had been quick short messages with the updated medical chart. Karin would analyze that and report Shepard’s conditions to her. Which was usually what she had just said. 

But according to Karin, given the circumstance, no news was good news, and also given the fact that there were millions of light years between her and Shepard and she could do nothing, no news meant that nothing bad had happened while she was away. At least that.

Goddess, it was getting harder and harder to sit back and wait, no wonder the rest of the crew wanted to rush back to Earth.

“Chances of recovery?” asked again Garrus.

Karin shrugged. “With proper care and equipment, high, close to 90% of total recovery with minor long term issues that could be managed. Given the current state of Alliance medical care, I’m not sure. I don’t feel confident enough to make any prediction, though I trust Miranda is working twice, if not three times harder than when she was reviving Shepard. And you know the Commander, she’s tough enough to kill a Reaper on foot, she’ll pull through.” 

“I really hope you’re right, because if the galaxy loses its hero, then it’s going to be a very low blow to an already horrible situation,” said the Turian. 

“Well, there’s no chance I’m going to let her go so easily,” said Karin. “I’m not going to let her kick the bucket anytime soon, and Miranda agrees with me. We’ll get her back on her feet, sooner or later.” 

Liara sighed, but said nothing. No matter how much both Karin and Miranda reassured her, there was still that feeling of dread, deep down in her heart, that made her uneasy at all times, but mostly when people spoke about Shepard, in any way and it got worse when they spoke about her current health status. 

Something was wrong, but maybe they hadn’t found out what it was yet. But there was something, something they didn’t know about… or something they weren’t telling her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. We'll try to resume regular updates from now on. Life got in our way.

Ashley hadn’t even parked the shuttle that Vega was already climbing out of his seat to open the side door. “Make way!” he screamed, half hanging from the handle beside the door. “Make way, we have large cargo over here!” 

“Calm down James!” exclaimed Ashley from the driving seat. “There’s more than enough room to park and to unload the cargo!”

“Have you seen that machine? That alone requires a hell of a lot of space to move it!”

“It has wheels, you know that?” asked Miranda.

The lieutenant didn’t reply, but jumped down on the pavement of the space reserved as a parking lot outside the camp hospital in the outskirts of London. Miranda couldn’t help but admire the energy James Vega had. They were all sleep deprived and they had spent the better part of the day hauling stuff from the Cerberus hospital and into the cargo shuttle they had borrowed from the Alliance, never taking a break and skipping lunch too. She and Ashley were exhausted, while James never even broke a sweat. He looked like he had slept for an entire week, ate his fill and just got out of a spa. That man was made to work hard and in harsh conditions, that was sure. 

“Should I call Doctor Wilson?” asked Ashley, unbuckling her seatbelt.

Miranda nodded. “Yes,” she replied. “Most of the stuff we got is for Shepard anyway so we better get her to deal with the unloading first hand.” 

“Yeah…” she fiddled with her Omni-Tool, sending a message to Shepard’s doctor. “Tomorrow we get the rest?” 

“Tomorrow and maybe the day after tomorrow! I had no idea there was so much stuff stocked there, I wonder what we will find in other locations.” 

“Well, I’ll make sure to get a bigger shuttle next time. Sure, if we had the Normandy at hand we could just do one sweep of all locations in one go and still have plenty of fuel to do it three other times!”

“And Joker would pester us to move things faster because he wants to fly.” Smiling, Miranda shook her head. “He's a greedy one, when it comes to being airborne.” 

“It’s his only way to move freely. Gene therapy can only go so far, given the severity of his condition. Can’t blame him for that.” 

“Yeah, I know. I really hope Traynor can fix EDI before they get back here, she’s been helping him a lot these past months, I’ve noticed.” 

Ash chuckled. “Yeah, he’s… Happier. And to be honest, I quite like her. I can’t believe I’m saying it but I think we became friends.” 

“Oh I understand very well, ever since Joker unshackled her, she has gathered enough data to grow into her own personality. It’s funny, because she was based on an Alliance project that you guys were told to destroy, when it went rogue.” 

Ashley frowned, thoughtful. “You mean… wait a sec, was that the rogue VI on the Moon?” 

Miranda nodded “Yep, that one, only it was a fully fledge AI, not a VI. The Alliance has some skeleton in the closet too, working on outlawed AIs like that. Cerberus recovered most of the data, what you guys haven’t destroyed by shooting at the servers, and built EDI on that. I think it was called Hannibal, if my memory still works.” 

Another chuckle, bitter and dry. “I hope yours does, because mine is failing more and more as days pass! I’m surprised I still remember how to drive.”

“Sleep deprivation?” 

Ashley nodded, rubbing the back of her neck with both hands. “That, also I’m worried about my sisters and my mom. You know, the usual stuff.”

Gently squeezing her shoulder, Miranda smiled. “I understand. Why don’t you go lay down for a moment? Maybe catch a nap, it will do you good. I can handle your hyperactive boyfriend there for a while!”

Suddenly, the Commander blushed. “He’s not my boyfriend…” she mumbled.

“Oh yes, sure, and I wasn’t genetically engineered to look like this. Come on Ashley, we all heard you back at the party, there’s no need to hide anymore. Also, have you seen how he looks at you? He’s smitten, enjoy it! Oh by the way, there are condoms in one of the boxes, might as well stock up on them.”

With that, she stood and walked out of the shuttle to join Vega as he unloaded boxes of medical supplies on the pavement, in neat stacks so other soldiers would come and pick them up to carry them inside the hospital. They had filled the cargo part of the shuttle to the brim with boxes and machinery, they had even managed to haul in a true hospital bed, not just an emergency cot, with a functioning anti decubitus mattress too. It was tightly vacuum packed in clear thick plastic wrap, with the air pumping unit resting in a carton box, on the bare structure of the bed beside the mattress. Those would make it easier to take care of Shepard in the long run, avoiding pressure sores and other skin issues due to prolonged immobility. 

They were carefully unloading the portable x-ray machine, if you could call a half-a-ton thing portable just because it had wheels, when Doctor Wilson appeared with a small squad of doctors, nurses and other medical personnel that quickly made themselves useful, taking the boxes and scurrying inside to unpack them and put their contents to good use. 

“I see your travelling has been fruitful!” she exclaimed, hands on her hips like a superhero. “You’ve found what you were looking for!”

“And then some, Doc!” exclaimed Vega cheerfully, despite the bleak situation. “We couldn’t fit everything in the shuttle, we’ll have to go back tomorrow.” 

“Oh!” the medic looked taken aback. “So much stuff?” 

James nodded. “That place is packed with drugs and machinery, it was a real mini hospital! Look, we’ve got even stuff that wasn’t on the list!” 

“Such as?” 

“Electrolytes, IV bags, large spectrum  _ and _ specific antibiotics, more medigel than we could count, even dextro drugs,” explained Miranda while she unloaded a plastic container and handed it over to a nearby soldier. “Just here there’s enough to keep the hospital going for a couple of weeks, and we’ll get more tomorrow.” 

Wilson knelt beside a box and opened it, rummaging through its contents. That box specifically contained about a thousand syringes of single dose anticoagulants. Well more than enough to hold the fort for a month, considering their current needs of that type of therapy. “You said dextro drugs? Why on Earth would Cerberus stock dextro drugs?” she asked, going through a second box full of packets of medicated gauze and wound dressings. “Literally!”

Miranda shrugged. “I have no idea. Maybe they were hoping to scalp people in need, it wouldn’t be the first time. Ashley, are you alright?” she called inside the shuttle, seeing that the other woman was stalling in the cockpit.

“Yes, just a second!” she replied. “Alliance Command called.”

“Uh, alright! Doctor Wilson, are there any news about Shepard?” 

She shook her head. “So far, she’s stable, nothing happened in the meantime. I’ve spoken to that neurologist I told you about, I forwarded both the documentation you retrieved and Shepard’s med chart, she’s going to study the case on the way here. Interesting read anyway!” she exclaimed, not with a slightly scolding, caustic tone in her voice. “What the fuck did Cerberus do to gather all that data on indoctrination?” 

“Just as they gathered everything else. By lying, cheating, torturing and killing people,” bluntly replied Miranda. “And before you ask, yes, the  _ Lawson _ you see signing all reports, it’s my father.”

That caught her off guard. “Your father? But…” 

“He was a self centered asshole. He’s dead now. No, I had nothing to do with that…” She shuddered as her memory quickly flew back to Horizon and what she had seen there, chasing her father there. “Project, if that’s what you worried about.” 

“I can vouch for her,” said then Ashley, coming out of the shuttle. “Actually, she single handedly worked to dismantle the project while we were working on the Reapers. I can say that without her, they would probably have committed even more atrocities than what they had already done, by the time we got there.” 

James gave her a solid, but surprisingly soft, pat in the back. “Yep, without the Ice Queen here we wouldn’t possibly have made it through the structure.” 

“So can I trust that you’re not involved in this type of activity? I see you care about Shepard, but if your interest is solely concerned with her, I don’t think we can keep working together.” The medic’s voice left no room for interpretation: if her ideals were still aligned with Cerberus, even for the smallest detail, their collaboration, no matter how useful, would be immediately and permanently terminated. 

Before Miranda could defend herself from the assumption, something she had been prepared for the past couple of days, both Ashley and James put themselves between her and Wilson. “She’s out of it, Doctor!” he stated. “She’s been out of it for more than a year now, ever since Commander Shepard turned herself in for what happened with the Alpha relay, there’s no need for hostility, even if she had the bad luck of being related to the man in charge of Sanctuary.” 

“Also, the man is dead, I’ve tagged his body myself,” added Ashley. “He’s not going to hurt anyone and sure Miranda isn’t going to resume his work, not now and not in the future.” 

Miranda chuckled. “You’re free to put a bullet in my head if I do.” 

“Duly noted,” replied the Lieutenant Commander. “Now Doctor Wilson, please, the source of the data is despicable, I get it, but it’s the only true research on indoctrination that anyone has done, at least the only one we can get our hands on right now. Who knows, maybe there are other people in Shepard’s conditions, maybe that research, heinous as it is, might save their lives too.” 

Slightly surprised at Ashley’s heartfelt words in her defence, Miranda remained silent and studied the doctor as she slowly realized she had no other options but to trust them on her current status regarding her affiliation to Cerberus, or lack thereof. It’s not like she wasn’t expecting that kind of treatment, after all her father was quite proud of the work he had done in Sanctuary and signed every report he archived and sent to the Illusive Man himself, she was sure those data would cause a bit of a ruckus the moment her relation to the head of the project would be revealed. 

God, her father had always made her sick to the stomach, but what he did at Sanctuary was so repulsive she could barely avoid retching when she thouhgt about it.

But if it helped Shepard, she would use those data, she would read them all, study them all night if it meant they could help. 

In the end, Doctor Wilson nodded. “Alright, I’ll trust your judgement. I’m sorry, I just can’t understand how you two can be related, you seem so nice!” 

“Well Doctor, I’ve done my fair share of despicable things in the past, I’ve lied, cheated and killed to do what I wanted or needed to, to revive Shepard too. My past isn’t spotless and I’ll never claim it is, but it’s the past. There’s a galaxy to rebuild, and I want to do my part, even if it’s just making sure Commander Shepard survives.” 

Doctor Wilson sighed and let her arms fall at her sides. “It’s not like we’re in any position to let go of a helping hand. Most of all a very capable helping hand. Come on, let’s get this stuff out of the way and into the hospital, so maybe we can start treating people with full doses of what they need.” 

“You had to cut dosages?” she asked, and the doctor nodded.

“Yes, mostly of painkillers and sedatives, we had to ration them for the past couple of days. Even Shepard, she’s technically not fully sedated as she should be, given the fact that she’s on mechanical ventilation.” 

“Do you think she could get more normal brain waves if she was sedated properly? Have you repeated the EEG? I know it’s been just a day, but something may have changed.” 

“I wanted to do another one tomorrow morning, hoping you’d find the proper drugs. Who knows what a good sedation, even if only for a short period of time, could do to a brain that suffered that kind of trauma.” 

Miranda crossed her arms at her chest. “Yes, I remember that during the revival process, the moment we got neural activity the EEG could drastically change from morning to evening.” 

“Exactly what I was thinking about,” the doctor explained. “Help me get the real hospital bed to her room. The sooner we get her on the anti decubitus bed, the better.” 

“No one else needs one?”

Wilson shook her head as she disengaged the breaks on the wheels of the bed structure with her foot and pulled it towards her, then dragged it down the ramp of the shuttle, where Miranda grabbed the railing on the other side and helped the doctor moving it into the structure where they had housed the hospital. “People that get here either are going to walk out on their feet in a week, tops or be rolled out in a body bag. Damn, I even had to sign Admiral Anderson’s death certificate today.” 

“Oh, so they found him?” 

“Not exactly… they found the lower portion of his body about a hundred yards away from the charge crater, torn from the upper part. DNA results arrived just after you left for Edinburgh. It sucked, you have no idea how much it sucked.” 

Miranda sighed. What a gruesome and horrible way to go… “I can only imagine. Shepard won’t take it easily, he was like a father figure for her.” 

“So I heard.” They turned a corner and then another into the hallway that led to Shepard’s room. 

She pushed the door open with her back and they got the structure in the room. Nothing has changed since that morning, when they had left. “How are you holding up?” asked Miranda. 

“Over caffeinated and on the brink of a nervous breakdown,” Doctor Wilson admitted. “Not even during bootcamp I’ve been so tired. And I entered bootcamp before I graduated, so I was still doing my internship while doing all the field training.” 

“Gruelling?” 

Doctor Wilson broke the seal of the vacuum packed air mattress, grabbed the plastic cover and let the mattress unfold on the structure of the bed. It crackled like a fire, but within seconds it was occupying its place on the structure. “It was, but this is worse. I can’t say I wasn’t happy when you said you were going to look for supplies because about half of the job here is having to formulate plans to make people suffer the least with the least amount of drugs in order to have some spare for the next patient.” She stopped, leaned against the railing of the bed and looked at Shepard, unconscious on her cot about two meters from them. “You haven’t found a nasogastric feeding kit by any chance?” 

“We have, actually. But we haven’t found any formula. Not yet at least.” 

She grimaced, gently tapping her closed fist on the railing of the bed, still looking at Shepard. Miranda could almost see the thoughts rushing through her brain as she tried to find a solution to the problem. “What did you feed her when you were rebuilding her?” 

“Individual nutrients intravenously while we were trying to get her organs going, then custom tailored formula through the feeding tube when the gastrointestinal organs were once again up and running.” 

“That I get, but do you remember what was inside of the formula?” 

Miranda brought up her Omni-Tool and flipped through the file of Lazarus she had downloaded for this type of eventuality, looking for that specific file. “Here: initially it was mostly 70/20/10, carbs proteins and fats, then we moved to 40/40/20 later on as we rebuilt the musculoskeletal system,” she summarized what she was reading from that report. “Then again 40/30/30 once we got to the later stages and she was about to be ready to wake up.” 

“Do you have the ingredients?” 

Miranda shrugged. “Mostly commercially available components, like high grade protein powders and supplements. We didn’t use a medical grade formula because it is usually in a caloric deficit of the total daily energy expenditure, and we needed a surplus to support the rebuilding process of tissues and organs, so we had our in-house nutritionist customize a dietary plan for her. We also added soluble fibre to facilitate bowel movements.” 

“So basically we could feed her like a bodybuilder with protein powder and dehydrated milk for the fat portion of the macros.” 

“If we can’t find anything else, it should be more than enough to keep her going for a while. Simple, easy to digest, if her organs don’t fail.” 

“Water it down just enough to keep her hydrated, maybe add a bag or two a day of hangover drip for the micronutrients and a vitamin complex supplementation just to be sure and we got it all, and she can piss the excess away. Excuse my French.” 

Wilson nodded. “Not a problem. It sounds like a plan, at least for the moment.” She closed her eyes for a moment and stood, stretching her back. “So… Ice Queen?” 

Miranda smiled. “Yeah, from what I gathered, James remembers nicknames better than actual names. That’s just mine.” 

“I guess I’m Doc then. But Ice Queen doesn’t sound so… nice. I mean, wasn’t she a villain in that old fairy tale?” 

“Sure she was, but she was also the titular character of a very good song from a Dutch band of the early 21st century. I don’t mind at all.” 


	11. Chapter 11

“Sir, with all the due respect…” Cortez was doing his best, as the highest ranking officer currently on the Normandy, to deal with the Alliance Command the same way Shepard would. Thing is, he lacked both in experience and confidence, and Liara could see it from the sidelines, as he spoke to Hackett in the vidcom room. He was trying to get at least some info about the possible timing of a take off greenlight, but he was going against a rubber wall. The Admiral was deflecting every question he asked. 

“With all the due respect,” he went on. “I understand that the situation is horrible, but I’ve got a ship to commandeer here, and it’s impossible to fill in for Commander Shepard. The situation isn’t the best even here, something is brewing and from what I’m hearing, most of the crew would support a blatant act of disobedience and fly back to Earth. While we’re not stranded, we’re worried, and we know we could help with the clean up and rebuilding effort on Earth, we can make ourselves more useful there than standing idle here.” 

From her slightly hidden point of view, Liara saw Hackett lowering his gaze through the slightly disturbed holo as he leaned on something in the room from where he was speaking. “Lieutenant Cortez, let me be perfectly clear with you. Let me treat you like I would treat Commander Shepard,” he said, terse and guttural as usual. “Yes, you would be more useful here rather than where you are, sitting idly doing nothing but basic maintenance to the ship. But you would have to either fly here using standard FTL travel, which would take you months if you can get the fuel, or by using the relays, which at the moment don’t work. I know I’m asking a lot Lieutenant Cortez, I know that every crew of every flight-ready ship scattered around the galaxy wants to come home, believe me I’m very aware of that, but at the moment it’s better you stay put until further notice.” 

Cortez grunted in frustration. He clearly wanted to rebut Hackett, but lacked the confidence to do so. Liara felt for him, the position of ad interim XO wasn’t something he had asked for, he just found himself in it, given he was the highest ranking officer remaining on the Normandy, he wasn’t ready for such a role, he had no preparation though he was more than willing to do his best to keep the crew from falling apart. Yet, he had been right when he had said he was going to handle all future calls from Alliance Command: Shepard’s role was a big position to fill in, and he wasn’t really sure he was cut out for it. 

Still, he was doing a remarkable job, since he was great at dissimulating the tension as he probably wanted to tell Hackett to fuck off and that they were going to leave Zorya, with his approval or not. He clenched his jaw for a moment, before he replied. “Understood Admiral.” There was bitterness in his voice, even an ounce of disappointment, probably at himself for how he handled the meeting. “Can I ask permission to at least test the hull repairs by taking the Normandy for a quick orbital flight? We’ve been here for three weeks now, sitting on a ship that we don’t know if it’s spaceflight ready. I just want to know it’s safe to travel once we’re greenlit.” 

Hackett nodded. “Permission granted. That is a sound proposition you’re making. Take care, Lieutenant. Hackett out.” 

The holoprojector powered down and Steve punched the wall beside him in anger. “Is this the crap Shepard had to deal with daily?” 

Liara shrugged. “And then some. Remember when we had the full Quarian Admiralty Board on the ship?” He nodded. “She got a heartburn so severe she once downed a whole bottle of antacid drug in one swig.” 

“Did it help?” 

“Not a bit. She had to visit Doctor Chakwas, because she wasn’t sleeping at night from the pain.” 

Cortez sighed and rubbed his face with the palm of his hands. “I don’t know if I can do this…” 

“It’s only for a little time. The crew needs someone to look up to and you’re perfect for that role. Without Ashley, you’re the highest ranking officer, the duty was bound to fall on you.” 

“You think I’m up to the task?”

She nodded. “I’m sure. Don’t worry, it’s not like Shepard was the perfect commander she wanted you to think, she was the queen of second guessing according to her, you’ll do just fine once you get more comfortable as the leading man.” 

“Then I hope I don’t develop chronic heartburn… I just wish I had someone to guide me, you know… point me in the right direction to avoid a mutiny and at the same time keep the peace within the crew. They’re quite shaken by the whole ordeal and the boredom doesn’t help.” 

“I understand. But you see, even Shepard wasn’t ready when she was given the Normandy. She was assigned as the XO of the ship, before she was promoted on the spot after Eden Prime. She wasn’t expecting it just as much as you, she learned on the go. And to be sincere, she is on the ground almost all the time, it’s not like she did much as the captain of the Normandy!” 

“Yeah, I know, I took her to shore and back for months. I just… I want to make her proud, you understand?” 

Liara nodded again. “I know. Just remember that, like you, Jane is human and has her highs and lows and you’re allowed to have doubts too.” 

He took a deep breath and released it with a slight hiss. “I sincerely can’t picture Commander Shepard having doubts. She always seems so confident in everything she does.” 

“That’s because you never slept with her,” she joked, smiling for a moment. “Every night, behind the closed door of her cabin, she would overthink and second guess every decision she had taken that day. She has anxiety attacks, crying spells, moments I wouldn’t dare to speak to her because I knew she is beyond angry… she’s human like you Steve. Don’t put her on a pedestal of perfection, she wouldn’t want it.” 

“Can I strive to be half as good as her though?” she smiled. “I don’t know about you, but I never had a more competent and caring commanding officer in my life. If I ever get to commandeer my own ship, I want to be like her.” 

“That, I’m sure she’ll appreciate. Just don’t think she was above criticism, because she is her own worst critic.”

In that moment, Joker interrupted their conversation through the intercom. “Liara, Miranda’s waiting on vidcom for an update. She seemed pretty happy today!”

“Should I leave?” Steve asked. 

Liara shook her head. “No, stay. Joker, could you tell Karin too? I’m sure she wants to hear today’s news too.” 

“Will do. She’s all yours!”

The holoprojector turned on again and the flickering image of Miranda Lawson from the waist up appeared in front of them. She was sitting at a desk somewhere, hair pulled up in a tight ponytail, something very unusual for her, and she had deep dark circles under her eyes. Even her clothes were different, she was wearing a set of Alliance fatigues and a thick blue sweatshirt two sizes too big for her that swallowed her lithe form, making her appear even smaller. She was clearly exhausted, her shoulders were sagging forward as she leaned her elbows on the table in front of her. “Hey Liara, Lieutenant Cortez, how is it going?” 

“We just had a very one sided not very heated discussion with Hackett on when or if at all we’ll be leaving this planet,” he explained. “How’s Earth?” 

“Could be worse. We’ve got some sun today! The dust from the war is finally settling and between the rain and the wind of the last couple of days, we’re finally seeing some clear sky. But we’re not here to talk about the weather, we’re here to talk about Shepard.” 

“How is she?” asked Liara, clearly excited.

“She’s stable. She’s deeply sedated, we’re letting her body heal so her brain can heal too. She had a pretty bad concussion, we’re letting things go as slow as we can. The good thing is that we’re finally moving her.” 

“So you found a proper hospital!”

Miranda nodded. “Yes. It’s a Cerberus facility,” she rolled her eyes. “As you may have guessed. I was sure there was something in France, a facility similar to that in Edinburgh, but this one is bigger and even better stocked. It seems like Cerberus left everything there months before the Reaper attack, as if they had already declared Earth lost and moved all operations outside Sol. Apparently they didn’t deem those places valuable enough.” 

Steve chuckled. “Well thank you Cerberus then,” he laughed. “Where exactly is this place?”

“South of France, between Marseilles and Nice. I’ll send the coordinates in a minute. A team has already left and is currently working on setting up the place as we speak, and if things go as planned we should be moving Shepard tomorrow afternoon. It was a facility used by Cerberus for gene and augmentation therapy, so it has everything we need for long term care, for her and for everyone that will need it. It isn’t huge, there are sixty beds in total, but if we can get the specialists, we could be treating at least those that have more chances of survival.” 

Liara let out a relieved sigh. They were still counting Shepard among those who had the higher chances of surviving, despite the horrendous wounds she had suffered in the blast. “Are you going to change the malfunctioning spinal implant there?”

“Yes,” confirmed Miranda. “I’ll have access to a lab there for that specific reason, designing and building implants for anyone that will need them, not only Shepard. Some of the implants we used when we revived her were made in that lab, I think I can pull that off quite comfortably.” She covered a deep yawn with a hand. “I’m sorry… anyway, at the moment this is the most news I can give you, at least about Shepard.” 

Liara nodded. “And how are you holding up?” 

“Yeah, Miss Lawson, I don’t really want to see you burn out when you’re in charge of our commander’s treatment,” added Cortez, with a joyful smile on his face.

A smile that Miranda noticed. “I’m fine, just a little tired. I’ll sleep better once we get her to a real hospital, right now my main concern is the precarious situation she’s in. We’re working around the clock making sure all her needs are catered, but at the moment London isn’t safe at all. Buildings are crumbling right beside the camp hospital and I can’t wait to leave this place behind for a facility that has actual electricity and running water.” 

“Are you getting enough sleep?” 

Another nod. “I am, for my standards I’m sleeping even too much. These have been some pretty intense weeks, but as soon as we get in France, the stress should be dialed down a notch or two. Who knows, maybe I’ll get something different to eat from military rations and energy bars. There’s only so much a girl can take of peanut butter crunchy protein bars and fake mokaccino meal replacement powders. At least Shepard’s unconscious, she can’t complain about the monotonous meals.” 

There was a slight discharge of static and Karin’s bust and face appeared on the projector. “Now that you mention it, are you still feeding her as three weeks ago?” she asked. 

Miranda nodded. “Pretty much. She’s been responding quite well with the mix we created, there are no signs of gastrointestinal distress of any kind, blood work is good, everything considered and urine output is steady. For now, we’re quite pleased with the  _ bodybuilder in constant hangover _ diet, as James dubbed it.” 

Chakwas nodded. “I see. Do you think you’ll be moving to parenteral feeding once you get her to the facility in France?” 

“We’re thinking about it, but for now we think we will stick to the nasal feeding tube. Her body adjusted quite easily to it, for now there’s no sign of infection, though she’s on constant wide spectrum antibiotics. We’re monitoring that aspect too, she has so many catheters, drips and drain tubes we inspect them at least three times a day to check for signs of inflammation or infection.” 

“Very well Miranda. I knew I could count on you. Beware of…”

“Urinary tract infections…” continued Miranda, nodding knowingly. “We’re aware of them and we are checking bacterial load twice a day. She’s covered for that.” 

“Are you supplementing for the astronomical doses of antibiotics you’re giving her?”

Another nod. “Yes. Probiotics three times a day straight through the feeding tube. I wouldn’t mind changing the source from lab grown to natural occurring through ingested food, but beggars can’t be choosers.” 

“Unfortunately, you’re right. I just hope this new place will allow you to treat her better.” 

Miranda sighed. “We all do, but it’s not like we’re cutting back on her treatment just because we want to do so, it’s the lack of resources that forces us to hold back. We would have proposed ten if not twenty different therapy plans to make her better, but we’re down to next to nothing in terms of both diagnostics and therapies.” 

Liara couldn’t help but notice a frustration in the woman’s voice. “Do you think you could be much farther than you’re now if you had better equipment at your disposal?” 

“Well, considering we don’t have any advanced diagnostic equipment right now, yes. Everything is better than portable x-ray scans and Omni-Tools from a diagnostics standpoint,” she explained. “It’s a matter of details, Liara. We can’t make plans if we don’t know what we’re dealing with down to the last cell and right now we can barely monitor her vital stats. Feels like twentieth century medicine down here, we’re reduced to splinting and casting broken bones because even Medigel is being rationed!” she exclaimed, a mix of amusement and frustration in her voice. 

“How long do you think the rationing will go on?” asked Chakwas.

“From what I know, the main supplier here on Earth is trying to get back to full production, but they’re still doing major repairs to the factory. They should be ready for mass production by the end of the month, and without incoming ships right now we are sticking to what we can scavenge here and there, but there’s not enough for everyone.” 

Cortez leaned on his forearms against the railing in front of the projector. “See why I tried to insist with Hackett? We have enough Medigel on the ship to last us for years, how helpful could it be to the injured people down there?” 

“Oh don’t be afraid Lieutenant,” exclaimed Miranda. “There will be ways the Normandy stocks will be used, once you get here. And Tali’s expertise with anything engine or mechanical related. God I miss her!”

“Really?” Came Tali’s voice through the intercom. “I thought you hated me!”

“Wait, what?” Miranda was visibly shaken by Tali’s sentence. “No! I never hated you? Why should have I ever hated you? Also, are we being broadcasted to the whole ship?”

“Well it’s Shepard’s Daily News Compendium, of course it’s broadcasted to the whole ship!” went on the Quarian. “Anyway, I thought you hated me because… well, you know… Cerberus…” 

She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “Tali, I’ve never had anything against aliens. Not you, not Garrus, not Liara… nothing. I actually respected you guys a lot, ever since I got your files on my desk, and my respect did nothing but grow when I finally got to meet you. I just thought that Cerberus was doing something good for humanity, and I realized I was wrong. I’m sorry I may have come off the wrong way, I know I have a bad temper and even worse personality and I wasn’t surely the most welcoming XO on the SR2, but I never hated any of you,” she explained. “I would understand if you hated me though. I mean, I’m fully aware of my past and that your opinions on me will likely be not that flattering, I understand that. Just know that I’m working even harder than during the reviving process to make sure Shepard gets back in one piece as soon as we can.” 

“No one hates you Miranda!” interjected Garrus then through the intercom. “Sure, you weren’t exactly the warmest person on the crew back then, but you knew what you were doing,” he said. “And damn you did it well! Even Jack realized it, in the end. By the way, have you heard from her?” 

She nodded. “Yes I have! She’s fine, all her kids from Grissom Academy are alright, only minor injuries. Last I heard she was in Vancouver. Even Grunt and Wrex are safe and sound. And Samara. Looks like we pulled off another Suicide Mission!”

Liara chuckled. “Well, once you’ve done it the first time, it’s like… what do you say on Earth?” 

“Like riding a bike,” Miranda went on with a smile. “And now that you mention it, I’ve never learned how to ride a bike!”

From the room where she was sitting, they could hear some ruckus and Vega came into view behind her. “What? You don’t know how to ride a bike?” 

She shook her head. “No, I never learned. I never had the occasion to do so!”

Vega shook his head. “Ahi dios mios… Esteban, I think we need to give Miranda here a dose of the childhood she never had! What do you say Ash?” 

“If you can find a bike!” replied Williams in the background. 

“Hell yeah I’m gonna find one! What about you Doc? Do you have bikes on Thessia?”

“I’m afraid not, James. But Shepard told me about them, and how she learned to ride them on long hallways on the ships her parents were stationed on. I don’t know, it could be something fun, once we’re back on Earth.” 

Cortez smiled at her side. “As long as we can find a long stretch of road with no bumps, you should be fine. It’s really easy, once you realize that the faster you go the better control and balance you have.” 

“Exactly!” went on Vega. “We’re gonna teach all these offworlders how to ride a bike! I bet Shepard will want to pitch in too!” 

“Oh no please don’t pull Shepard in your shenanigans!” laughed Miranda. “I don’t want to spend more time and resources patching her up! I’m doing it for the second time in two years, I’m not ready for a third round!”

“Tell me one thing Miranda,” asked Liara then. “How did you cope with her bad habit of Charging into enemies three times her size or in large groups?”

The woman shook her head. “I think I lost ten years of my life the first time she did it in her presence. I had no idea her biotics were that powerful, or that she had such control on them, the way she used the momentum of the Charge to cause a biotic explosion and clear the way around her was astounding, I’ve never seen anything like that. And the way she regrouped? She’s so fast!” There was true admiration in her voice. “No wonder she was always so hungry after a mission!”

“Did she keep a stash of those chocolate bars in her armor instead of thermal clips even during the time you were chasing the Collectors?” asked Garrus. “I know she did this time around.” 

“You mean the Snickers bars?” asked Miranda. “Yes! Once I actually saw her charging a LOKI mech with one hanging out from her mouth, it had popped out of nowhere while she was eating. She was so pissed she had got interrupted, you have no idea!”

“Yeah, she gets grumpy when she’s hungry,” said Liara. “Back when we were chasing Saren the Normandy was grounded and at the same time she had to skip lunch too in the process. She was about to bite my arm off when I went to talk to her.” 

“Oh that time?” This time it was Joker. “Couple the fact that Kaidan had just died, she was pissed to no end. I’m amazed she kept her cool at the Council meeting.” 

Ashley came into view behind Miranda then. “Kept her cool? You weren’t there, she accused the Council of cowardice and Udina of having stabbed her in the back for his political ploys, she didn’t keep her cool!”

“I don’t see what she was wrong about,” said Garrus. 

There was a long moment of silence, before everyone on the call started laughing, a heartfelt, boastful laugh that raised their spirits and bettered their moods. “Keelah, that time was tough!” she exclaimed. “Garrus, do I remember wrong or Anderson actually knocked Udina out in order to lift the lockdown of the Normandy?” 

“Oh dear, you remember very well! That’s at least what he told us, I don’t know if it was true.” 

“Knowing Anderson,” said Karin from the Medbay. “It was true. That guy was a good diplomat, but he was more than able to use violence when he needed to.” 

The rest of the call went on that track, until Miranda was called away to settle a few things about Shepard’s transferral the next day. After the long group conversation, Liara felt better. The fact that they were moving her to a better equipped facility meant they were still counting on Shepard making a full recovery, they just needed to know what was going on with her better in order to facilitate such recovery. It wasn’t much, but it was still better than nothing. 


End file.
